Withering Cherry Blossom
by ThAtOnEkIdXD
Summary: Without proper care, a cherry blossom could wither away. But nobody will notice the lack of care and the abundance of pain until it is ultimatly too late. Told in Sakura's POV, eventual SasuSaku. R
1. Freshman YearSemester One

**I have been working on this story for a while. I only work on it when I feel a little down. This isn't as happy and cheery and my other stories, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, which makes me sadder.**

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~*~ 7:23 a.m. September 8 ~*~

_First Day of School. First Day of Freedom._

Today is the first day of school. It was a long summer for me, I thought that I wouldn't make this year. But I did and I'm somewhat proud. I'm starting ninth grade this year. I can't wait, at school I don't have to worry about Dan hurting me. He walks down the stairs, eyes bloodshot from his little happy hour last night. To relieve some of the pain that came from his headache he barged into my room and beat me with his bare fist until he got tired and I got blood all over my shirt.

I'm not sure what he is stumbling downstairs to do, maybe it's to remind me to come back home, maybe it's to help me remember who is the boss of me. "I want your pathetic ass home at one time. Not a minute before, not a minute after. Do you understand?" His breath still smelled of alcohol. I nod my head in response. "Good now get the hell out of here." He said sternly.

I grab my bag and rush out the door before he has a chance to hit me. I felt safe out here. Anywhere outside of that house is safe to me. I have to walk to school which is nothing new I always used to walk to school. A car rolls by me and the owner of it honks there horn. The people inside point and laugh at me. I see the owner of the car is my ex-best friend Ino and her new friends.

Me and Ino stopped being friends when eighth grade ended. She said that she couldn't be seen with me anymore. I took it pretty hard, but not as hard as the beating I received from Dan for being two minutes late coming home that day. She was my only best friend. She always stood up for me when other people teased me. But now I'm all alone.

Every time I arrive at school I notice that everyone has a place here. Everyone has someone except me. I see a field of cherry blossom trees. I may not have anybody, but at least I have a place. I sit underneath one of them and automatically feel a lot safer. Ino and her new friends strut by me. She glances at me and makes some comment about how I'm alone. Her clones laugh. Does Kami hate me? I think so. It's bad enough I have to live with Dan, I lost my only friend, and now I have to deal with her rude comments for the rest of my high school life.

I can't let that get to me. Any abuse I face here will always be better the abuse I face at home. Plus I love school, I always have. I love to learn, which Ino never understood why. The more I learn, the better the chance I have of leaving Dan. The bell rings and I have to go to class. I always dreaded being a freshman. The school is so big and I can easily get lost. Plus I might wander off to where the upperclassmen were. That would be a nightmare.

Everyone looks at me like I'm a ghost or something. I can hear them whisper about how weird I look, girls laughing about how pathetic my outfit is. I think it's pretty pathetic too, but it's all I got. I always wear long sleeve shirts to cover the bruises on my arms. I have a whole bunch of them, the one I'm wearing now is black and I have black cargo shorts on.

Dan won't give me enough money to dress as glamorous as the other girls do. And I can't have a job because Dan won't let me have one. And I don't even try to argue the benefits of me having a job. One would be I can get away from him faster, and he doesn't have to waste a thirty dollars a year to take care of me.

I head to the nearest girls bathroom and go in. Starring at the mirror, I noticed that I do look sort of weird. There aren't many people in this world with pink hair and green eyes. Strike that, there aren't any people besides me with pink eyes and green hair. I slowly drag myself to my assigned homeroom class.

~*~ 8:56 a.m. September 21 ~*~

Class has already started. I walk in not being noticed by anyone except the teacher, but even she doesn't care that I'm like fifty minutes late. I really took my time getting here, there's no reason for me being on time or early. Everyone was sitting with their best friends. I sit in the back with just me, myself, and I. There is no window in here so I just daydream about how my life would be if Dan wasn't my dad.

My dream dad would spoil me, he would tell me he loves me every single day. He wouldn't ever try to hurt me and he would always be there for me. Of course, I know this is nothing more than my imagination at it's somewhat best. One day I actually got so caught up in my dream one time that I came home believing my dream dad would be there waiting for me.

Reality hurts, reality sucks, reality is too real. The bell rings and everyone gets up and rush out the door like someone is giving away free I-pods. I linger for a bit longer. I hate crowds, people bump into me and knock me over as I'm not even there. But when I got out the class people knew I was there. A path was cleared for me to walk. It was like a fashion show, all eyes were on me. Except I wasn't being admired, I was being ridiculed.

I walked passed all of them, looking at the ground as I walked. I saw several people stick their feet out to trip me, but since I was starring at the ground I saw all of them and walked over their foots. Most of the people groaned when they saw I wasn't going to fall. "Come on freak, trip already!" Someone yelled, but I still didn't fall. I sigh, this can't go on forever. Soon there will be someone else to make fun of, I hope.

~*~ 9:18 a.m. October 29 ~*~

Students are discussing Halloween plans, I'm in the back trying to redo my geometry. I got blood on my first paper. Last night me and Dan got to play this fun game called 'it's all your fault'. He got to say everything that went wrong in his life, and after every event that went wrong he would punch me. The last thing he said was, "It's your fault your mother is gone." And then he punched me in the nose so hard I blacked out. It's not my fault, it's his and he knows it. But I would never say that to him.

Kids here talk so loud I can't help but to hear their conversations. "I know what I'm going to be for Halloween." A kid said. "I'm going to the boogeyman!"

Ino was one of the many people talking about their plans. She glanced at me and smiled. "I'm going as Sakura." Everyone laughed. Yeah that was hilarious.

"You'll have the scariest costume ever!" I walk out of room and go to the bathroom. I remove my long sleeve shirt to reveal my undershirt. I can see all the bruises and cuts clearly. My skin isn't normal, it's purple, black, blue, and red. I'm one big rainbow mess. A take a few wads of paper towels, wet them, and place them on my purple bruises. The cool water feels good against my sore skin. I wish I had some bandages to cover up some of the bruises. Or maybe some concealer, that works well too.

I see Ami and Ino walk in the bathroom, look at me and leave quickly. I saw the fear in their eyes. I am scary, I should walk around the place like this. People will fear me and for Halloween I won't have to buy a costume, I could just go as myself. I decide against that, I wouldn't want anyone to have a heart attack, and put my shirt on and go back to class.

Ino and Ami were looking at me half worried half wanting to make some comment on what they had just saw. They continue looking at me, I figured that if they aren't going to say anything I can return back to my unfinished geometry homework and tune out the rest of the world.

11:25 p.m.

I was listening to the sounds of people running around knocking on doors asking for candy. Several people came knocking on our door. I could hear Dan screaming at them that we didn't have any candy. He came stomping upstairs and into my room. "Get up." He demanded. I reluctantly do as I was told, he dragged me by the hair out into the hallway.

He takes my head and bangs it against the stair railing. Tears fall out of my eyes, and blood flows out my forehead. I try to crawl away, but he dragged me back and introduced my face to his fist over and over again.

I finally woke up hours later and realized I was late to school. I cover my face completely with my hair to hide my new bruises. He was waiting for me when I got downstairs, he looked drunk. I decided to make a run for it, but I'm still a little woozy from last night so I ran into the unopened door. I shook off the pain, opened it, and ran out of there as fast as I could.

Everyone called me the grudge. But I doubt they would be able to come up with a clever enough name if I showed them my face. Karin saw me and snickered. A lot of girls saw me and snickered, but the one girl who didn't do anything was Ino. That surprised me, maybe she finally can see my pain. Maybe she'll stick up for me like she used to. Maybe, hopefully, I don't know.

~*~ 5:25 p.m. November 6 ~*~

I still am hopeful that one day someone will rescue me from this hellhole. I had always been hopefully that it would some day happen. I would often dream that someone, like a really cute guy would bust through the door, kill Dan, and take me away to his castle, or really nice house it doesn't matter.

For all I care it could be a farmhouse in the middle of no where. Oh and Ino and I will become best friends. We'll forget the past and only look toward the future. I'll become a world renowned doctor and have a beautiful family.

I love to dream, it's a lot better than reality. Starring into the mirror I realized that I wasn't the prettiest thing around. I'm not even cute or decent or okay enough to be some drunk guy's one night stand. The longer I stare, the longer I see why no guy would be just dying to be with me.

I see Dan's reflection in my mirror. Is it me dreaming? No, it's him alright. I can tell from all the way over here that he is slightly buzzed. He chuckles. "Look at you. You worthless piece of shit. I've seen hyenas that look better than you." Wow I'm really that ugly? Now that I think about it, for Halloween I should have bought myself a Jason hockey mask, or maybe a Micheal Myers mask. Then maybe I'll look slightly better by comparison.

~*~ 11:02 p.m. December 15 ~*~

I hate winter, it is the worst time of year for me. The only good thing about it was that I have an actual good reason to wear long sleeve shirts. It's snowing outside and the cherry blossom trees' leaves are gone. I stare at their bare branches during class. My English teacher calls me up to her desk.

As I was walking to the teacher's desk to get my book somebody, Karin, stuck their foot out and tripped me. I was close enough to the teacher's desk that when I fell I hit my head on the desk. I could feel a little trail of blood fall down my forehead.

"Have a nice trip, see ya next fall!" Karin shouted which made only some people in the room laugh. The rest of the students sat silently waiting for me to get up. I sat there, head resting on desk, trying to get my thoughts straight. Slowly I stood up and revealed my bloody forehead to the class. At that point, no one laughed except for Karin. But after she noticed that no one found nothing funny about seeing someone's blood drip down the face, she grew quiet as well.

"Ms. Haruno are you okay?" The teacher asked very concerned. She removed my hand from my forehead and looked at the blood. "Stay here I'll call the nurse." Call the nurse? What for? It's such a minor wound. I've had worse. I slowly walk back to my seat, taking a handful of napkins with me. I learned how to take care of my own wounds back in seventh grade. It really was just practice for when I become a doctor.

Students glanced back at me to see if I was okay. I'm fine, perfectly fine. I tried to avoid all of their gazes. I know deep down inside most of them just want to point and laugh. But that would be inappropriate, they have to wait until I'm out the room. The nurse showed up and escorted me out of the classroom. I have good hearing, and I still heard nothing from the class not even Karin.

12:05 p.m.

She seemed very nice. She instructed me to lay down and remove the bloody napkins from my head. Examining the damage carefully she came to the conclusion that I need stitches. "What's your name sweetheart?"

"Um...Sakura. Haruno." I said quietly. She picked up the phone and dialed a number that I was all too familiar with. "What are you doing?" I sat up and asked frantically.

"I have to call your father." She said. Oh no. She was calling Dan. I wanted to jump up and smack the phone out of her hand but it was too late. He had already picked up the phone. I'm surprised that he isn't wasted right now.

"Hello?" I could hear his voice, it was calm.

"Hello, Mr. Haruno. I'm the school nurse for Konoha High school. And I'm calling because your daughter has been injured and she needs to get stitches." She informed him. I hope he says that he can't come down and pick me up.

"Oh really?" He sounded concerned but I knew he wasn't. He's one good actor. "I'm on my way to get her right now." My heart stopped beating. He's coming. He's coming here to get me.

"Okay thank you." She hung up.

"You didn't have to call him. I'm fine." I try not to sound scared. But it's hard, I know he's probably going to do more damage which will cause me to need more than just stitches.

"Sakura, your head is practically split open. You need stitches." No I don't. No I don't! I decide to keep my mouth close before I start crying and have a fit. I don't want to tell our little secret, the justice system is crocked and the only people I distrust more than the kids here at school, are cops. He probably won't get a year for abusing me, and whose going to testify for me? Certainly no one here.

He came as promised looking like the world's most perfect dad. No one knows his deep dark secret and if I were to tell anyone then they wouldn't believe me. "Sakura are you okay dear?" He sounded so convincing.

"Y-yeah." I managed to get out.

"Don't worry. She'll be fine." The nurse reassures. He picks up my bag and smiles at me, then the nurse and then back at me but it was a more sinister smile. I walk ahead of him to the car. He forcefully grabs my arm and drags me to his side.

12:45 p.m.

"Why the fuck can't you be more careful? Now I gotta take time out of my precious schedule to come get you." We walk outside. I'm so happy that it's lunch and there are a lot of people outside. I wanted him to hit me so that people can see that he is nothing but a phony. He glares at Ino and her new clique as they walked past us. I could hear them whisper something about how evil he looked.

I looked up and they were right. He couldn't wait to get me home and beat the living daylights out of me. By now he was almost literally dragging me to the car. He opened the door like a gentleman and then shoved me in the car like I was nothing. I waited and waited for him to get in the car. Those were some of the most agonizing seconds of my life. He started it and drove off. The first light we go to he turned around and slapped me with the back of his hand. My cheeked stung and it stung even worse when tears rolled down it.

"Shut up you stupid bitch. I ain't even started yet." It was a fairly short drive home. I was wondering if I could make a run for it. Nope too late, he dragged me out the car and shoved me onto the hard pavement. I try to crawl away but he just curb stomps me in the gut. I cough up blood and cry more. He pulls me up by the hair and drags me into the house.

Here is where the real fun begins. He uses me as his punching bag. I am the reason his life is so miserable he says. I am the reason my mother is no longer here he says. I am to blame for everything. I try to dodge some of his punches but I'm not quick enough. When he's finally done, he leaves me bloody and bruised.

I can barely stand up but I know I have to leave before he decides to go another round. I feel like one of my ribs are broken, but who am I going to go to get it fixed? We don't have health insurance and the walk in clinic is all the way across town. I'll lay in my bed and hope that I'll recover.

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**Tell me what you think and I will update sooner if you guys like it.**


	2. Freshman YearSemester Two

**It's warms my soul to see people being interested in this story. So here's the next chapter.**

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~*~ 12:22 p.m. February 3 ~*~

It's Sunday and outside it's snowing. A lot of kids by now are outside playing in the snow. I hate the weekends, I hate breaks, I hate any day that means I can't go to school. Dan was seriously pissed today. He didn't get promoted, instead he was demoted. And guess who he took his frustrations out on. It's always my fault.

I wonder about other people's lives. Mainly the people at school. I bet their lives are great even though they're all snobs. But they have the perfect life that everyone wishes they had. I want my life to be like that. Why is that I have never done anything to hurt anyone and yet I'm being punished? Life is so unfair like that.

If I had things my way no one, not even Dan, would have a life like mine. I couldn't wish anything bad to happen to anyone because the worst things always happens to the good people.

Ino and her friends keeping making snide remarks about me. I try to tune them out, but on top of worrying about my punishment from Dan I just can't do it. It hurts to see my best friend turn against me in the worse way. She doesn't know. She doesn't know of the secret I keep. No one does and I'll bet my life that no one would care if I told them.

7:56 p.m.

As I was finishing up the dishes I couldn't help but feel very nervous. In the reflection of the plate I saw his figure standing by refrigerator. I finish quickly, not caring if the dishes are actually clean or not because I'm probably not going to eat for another few days. I walked passed him and up the stairs.

I didn't know he was behind me. I barely got to reach the last step before he grabbed my arm and slung me downstairs like I was an old rag. In his hand he held a plate. It was a clean plate, surprisingly. I thought he did that because I did a bad job at the end. He inspected the plate before forcefully tossing it down on my face, causing it to break. "Nice job bitch. Now clean it up."

I didn't react fast enough for him because I was still sort of in a daze. He stomped on my arm repeatedly. "Did you hear what I said?" He shouted. "Get up now and clean this shit up!" I could barely feel my right arm after he was done. I picked myself up slowly, cradling my arm in my other one. He saw that and rolled his eyes.

I began trembling as I picked the broken pieces of glass off the floor. I know I wasn't going as fast as he wanted me to, but at least I'm trying. He smacked me out of the way after a few seconds. "Just get the hell out of my site." I did that faster than I cleaned the mess. I was lucky today, because he could have done a lot more than punch me several times in the face, drag me down the stairs, stomp on my arm, break a plate on my face...

Actually that does sound a lot for one day. But it could have been ten times worse.

~*~ 10:06 a.m. February 14 ~*~

Today we have to run a mile. I can't run a mile or any distance to save my life. Hence the reason I still live with Dan. Being hit everyday and night really has started to take a toll on my body. I make up some lame excuse about my leg and sit on the bench. Everyone finished within a time period of six to twelve minutes. Ino and her clique were walking the whole entire time, so we are all waiting on them to finish.

"Hurry up it's freezing out here!" The students shout at the girls.

"We don't want to get sweaty!" Ami shouts. It's funny because there is this one thing that we do after P.E. I believe it was called taking a shower. And they are always the first ones in the shower.

In the locker room I get dressed in a secluded area. I overheard one of the girls squealing about her date for tonight. I forgot it was Valentine's day. I wonder what Dan has for me. A card is tossed over to where I was. I know it's a joke and probably has some lame and rude remark about me. But I wouldn't want to mess up people's expectations of my reaction so I open it.

_You are the biggest loser that I have ever met in my entire life! You're the flower that hasn't and won't bloom. You need a life. Happy Valentine's Day freak._

The card was decorated with a bunch of sad faces and dead flowers. It didn't say who it was from, but I really don't care. I knew it was someone trying to remind me of how miserable my social life is. On the plus side, someone remembered to get me a card, I guess really it's the thought that counts. I threw the card away and left.

3:00 p.m.

I'm late coming home, and that's partially my fault for not being a fast walker, but it's also Ino's fault. You see she "accidentally" ran over my foot with her car. Even I don't know how I didn't see that coming. Maybe I was a little too preoccupied with Karin and all her other little friends making fun of me.

Either way, my foot really hurts. When I crossed the street, my loving father was at the intersection where I was crossing. He's not drunk, though you wouldn't know it by the way he drove over the curb and nearly ran me over.

Never in a million years would I expect him to react the way he did. At least not in public. He swung open the door and stomped over to where I was. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and smashed my face once into the windshield. It surprised me greatly because he only did it once and he wasn't even using his full strength, but he still managed to cause a large hole in it.

I was surprised even more, when I didn't see or feel blood coming down my face. He growled in such frustration, he started pacing around back and forth wondering what his next move should be. Where are people at when I need them? "Get in the car." He said sternly. But I didn't move which pissed him off. He punched me in the nose which was already sort of broken. The pain was so unbearable I swung my hand which collided with his face.

I got so scared at that moment. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to-"

"Shut the hell up. And get your ass in the car. NOW." This time I did exactly as he told me. Once he got in I knew I was as good as dead.

3:30 p.m.

Instead of just driving straight home, he stopped at the liquor store. I watched him get out the car and walk in the store. I started crying thinking about what he could do to me. At this point, I know I am dead. I can accept this or I could leave. The latter would get me killed if he chooses to go after me, but I'm dead anyway so it's worth a shot.

Shaking severely I unbuckle my seat belt and opened the door. I didn't see him in the store window, so I guess he was in the back of the store. Setting aside my nerves for a while I hopped out the car and walked as fast as I could away from the scene. My heart was beating right out of my chest.

I got a few yards or something away from the store before I completely collapsed. "Ma'am are you okay?" A man asked me.

"...You gotta help me there's-"

"Sakura dear are you alright?" The sound of Dan's voice sucked most of the life from me. I turned around and there he was with his I'm the best dad in the world face.

"You know this girl?"

"Yeah, this is my daughter. She hasn't been feeling well lately, and I have to get her to a hospital soon. But she's afraid of hospitals which is why she's running away. Isn't that right darling?"

I nod my out of fear. "Okay, well you folks have a good time. And don't worry sweetheart the hospital is a safe place." I know that. But you don't know that I'm not going to a hospital, I'm going to a place where even Satan wouldn't want to live in.

5:12 p.m.

He took the long way home on purpose. We passed by the hospital. He laughed when he saw my hopeful look. He also laughed when I got scared passing by the graveyard and county morgue. "You are one brave bitch. I cannot believe you had the audacity to try to runaway." He chugs another beer and tosses it in the backseat. "It's okay, I got something for your bold effort."

I began crying, much to his delight. I reluctantly followed behind him as we went inside the hellhole. He went to the kitchen and I followed. He didn't hesitate to begin my punishment. Everything happened so quickly that I couldn't register anything that happened. He kept hitting me over and over until his fist themselves got bruised.

He grabbed me by the neck and lifted me off the floor. His gripped tightened and he didn't release me until I almost passed out. He wasn't done with me, nope not yet. I have to say that this was the worst beat down I have ever gotten ever. I know not to try that again.

~*~ 7:14 p.m. March 12 ~*~

Today is what I like to call week of the blind, deaf, and stupid. Why? Because it is awareness week, and this week we get educated about things that don't matter to many people. Drugs, alcohol, sex, bullying, and abuse are the primary focuses of this week. I don't really care about sex because, and trust me on this one, no guy would ever want me no matter how desperate they are.

Drugs, hell I wish had some drugs. It would definitely ease my pain and help me not think about my life. I would love to be elated all day. Some people in my class think doing drugs is really horrible, but all the people do them are doing is looking for a way out. Just to put life and all their problems on pause even if it's temporary.

I mentally laugh about the part on bullying. People here are such hypocrites. When asked what would you do if you saw someone get bullied, Karin stood up nice and tall and said that she would punch the bully right in the face. I would ask where she is when I'm getting bullied, but the answer is right in front of me, being the bully.

The next part really, I don't know how to explain it. A woman who not too recently got out of an extremely bad relationship was asked to speak today. She was frail, but I could tell she was on her way to a better life. Her life sounds just like mine and my mother's life. Letting some drunken idiot rule our lives and not letting us make any choices regarding our lives.

She kept saying that she felt helpless, but at the same time guilty because she knew that if she left that he would just fall apart. That's why she stayed, I guess that's why my mom stayed.

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe you like getting hit? I mean it doesn't matter that his life will fall apart, he deserves it." Ami said after her leaders were talking about it. She doesn't understand why anyone would put themselves through that, and really I don't either.

"...Actually I did, and he used that as my weakness all the time. No I didn't like it. But he made it so hard for me to just get up and leave. He isolated me from my friends and family, I didn't have anywhere to go." The bell rung thus ending our little chat.

If it's one thing I do know is that, abused people know what other abused people look like. The whole time she was starring at me. I saw her say something to the teacher, somewhere along the lines of 'who is that sitting in the back row'. I'm very good at reading lips. I rushed out the door as quickly as my body allowed me too.

I never thought I would ever hear myself say this, but I can't wait to go to my hellhole. The idea of anyone finding out what happens between me and Dan is scary.

~*~ 7:25 a.m. March 28 ~*~

Today is my birthday and as part of tradition I get hit how ever many times my age is. But Dan likes to take it a step farther. He multiplies my age times three and adds twenty eight. I'm fifteen now and I don't even want to do the math to find out how many hits I'm getting. I almost didn't make it last year. He punches his hardest on my birthday.

I have to go to school today looking like I got into a fight and lost. I know that all the kids are going to have a ball coming up with insults for me. He goes over the same rule, don't be late and sends me off to school. I stumble left and right before my vision clears and can walk semi-straightly. I clutch my stomach because it hurts like hell. I don't remember when I stumbled into a dark alley way. But I do know that it would be a perfect place to rest.

1:26 p.m.

I wake up and stretch feeling horrible. My body still hurts and no one even noticed me sleeping here. Even a group of homeless people walked passed me and didn't do anything. Is that how low my life is? Even what society calls low lives didn't notice me. Perhaps I am nothing. I should stay here for the rest of my life. And when I die they'll build some store over body so no one will ever find me.

I walked to school. There was only thirty minutes left of this period, I think it's fifth but I'm not sure. The cherry blossom trees were live and well, but I was slowly dying. I walked right into class and sat down. The teacher was explaining to the class about how the final exams are going to work. I wasn't listening to anything he was saying because I already know we just show up, take tests, eat lunch, relax, and go home. It wasn't complicated. He passed out our homework assignment and we all left.

I bumped into Ino. Neither of us fell, but we did just look at each other. I gave her a curt nod and left.

A group of jocks were horsing around in front of my locker. Should I tell them to move and risk being punched into the other side of campus, or should I just forget about whatever I need and go to class without my book. It's not like the teacher would know anyway. Karin whispers to one of the guys and he smiles devilishly. My instincts are telling me to run, but I'm a little too weak to run.

The guys start tossing the football back and forth, I just know this isn't going to end well for me so I turn around and take the long way to class. "What's wrong loser, were we in your way?" Karin shouts after me. I keep walking as if I didn't hear her, but then the whole entire group of jocks started calling me a loser.

Just when I thought I had gotten far enough away from the group, one of them threw the football directly at the back of my head. The ball perfectly hit the spot on my head that Dan frequently hits. They started laughing as I got up. I have a headache.

Best birthday gift ever. Maybe next year's gift will have a little more planning to it. I would personally like a card, but I know they'll probably come up with something ten times better. I just can't wait.

~*~ 12:45 p.m. April 9 ~*~

I love the outdoors. And for many different reasons. One, I feel a sense of security when I'm out here. Like someone, somewhere is watching and protecting me. Two it's calming to be out here, listening to the birds chirp and smelling the flowers. Flowers, it's what I get compared to all the time. I'm the flower that hasn't and won't bloom, but back when me and Ino were friends she would always tell me that I will bloom and I would be the prettiest thing around.

I like to still believe that. It's really the only positive memory I have. One day someone will finally realize the pain I'm going through, I don't know when but I know it's going to be one of these days. People can't keep insulting me forever right?

It is rather easy though. If I had a choice I would insult myself, people would think I was crazy and I'll spend the rest of my life in the nut house. That's a very promising future. Maybe I should start talking to myself in public. It would be a win-win situation, the kids can laugh at me more and I'll be free from Dan.

It's an option, I and consider all of the ones I think of as good ones. Of course this is me just dreaming, but if I had the choice I would dream forever. Dan would never give me the satisfaction, he needs me to take his anger out on. What a cruel purpose in life.

~*~ 8:45 a.m. April 25 ~*~

The results from our final exams came back. As a whole, this school did the worst out of every school in the country and that says a lot. Many of the students did well enough to barely pass. The majority of seniors did okay, by that I mean they got average scores that won't look good on their permanent record, but who cares most of them already got accepted into colleges so this test practically means nothing to them.

I was one of the lucky, I use that term loosely, ones to actually pass. Good thing teachers barely know who I am, because the last thing I would want is for them to announce to the whole school how big of a nerd I am.

Do I feel better knowing that I'm the smartest freshman in school, no because being smart really hasn't gotten me anywhere, yet. I wonder if Dan would let me go to college, and better yet I wonder if he'll let me move out. I ponder that for awhile and come to the conclusion that anything is possible...if I was someone else.

My whole entire life would be great if I was somebody else. I give anything to have someone else life for just ten minutes. But that's selfish because then they would have to live my life for ten minutes, and I don't want anyone to go through my pain. It's just not fair.

~*~ 7:30 a.m. May 9 ~*~

I think Karin might be spending her free time thinking of new insults to throw at me. It's starting to get a little pathetic. One of them was pretty good, the rest well I've made fun of since the day I started school. I've heard everything that anyone could ever say to and about me, and I take it all in.

Someone slammed a note on my desk, addressed to me. A group of kids at the front of the class look at me expecting me to open it and be upset about whatever lame thing they wrote about me.

Sometimes I entertain them and sometimes I don't. This is one of those times where I don't entertain them, I crumble the note up and toss it in the trash. If I weren't so frail I would be a good basketball player. The kids bitch and moan about me ruining their joke. Oh well they'll have plenty of other chances to remind me of how horrible my life is.

I never ask teachers can I leave and go to the bathroom. Since they don't notice me, I just get up and leave. My right bicep is pulsating from pain. I roll up my sleeve to inspect the bruise on it. It's a reddish-purple color. I personally don't like it when my bruises are that color, it looks like it's about to start bleeding, and it's weird to look at.

~*~ 2:02 p.m. May 24 ~*~

There is something special about today. Everyone is excited and happy. No one really could sit still. Girls were talking normally one minute then squealing like pigs the next. Why is that? It's the last day of school. I just found out I got all my credits and passed. I didn't tell Dan because Dan never asked nor probably would care. This year was surprisingly easy, academic wise. Social wise it was hard, home wise it was difficult.

If you're breathing does that mean your alive? I don't think it does. I'm breathing and I feel dead. I almost look dead too. My skin seems a little paler than usual and I'm freezing cold which is weird being as it's summer. Most girls already have a tan.

There is a party being held tonight at my neighbor Kiba's house. He pointed out to all his jock friends that I live next door to him. Great. As a token of false kindness he invited me to his party. A lot of the guys were snickering and hoping I would join, but I declined because I'm not stupid. I know what will happen.

Next year, maybe it'll get better? I know it's not. I won't even waste my time hoping for a better life. They say it can only get better, but I know it will only get worse. Karin throws a ball at me, but luckily someone was quick enough to catch it before me and the ball became friends.

The person that saved me didn't even acknowledge my presence. It's almost as if I'm becoming invisible to the rest of the world. I don't look forward to next year. The world as I used to see has now grown darker. Like reality really is setting in, making it's way into my brain, heart, and soul. I don't want to see reality, I want to see what's in my dreams, what I have been hoping for. Everything was so bright and hopeful now it getting dark and depressing. This worries me, being a dreamer.

But as time passes and I see everyone looking happy and feeling great, I know that I can't be saved from my life. A a tear slides down my cheek, this is the first time I let reality hit me in the face. It hurts, but I can live _maybe_, and I can stay strong _hopefully_. Those two words allow me to not see the world as it really is, but as what I wish it was. But now I don't think it's going to work any more.

You can only get by on hope for so long.

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**Thank you for the reviews thus far. This chapter concludes her freshman year, but this story is far from over. We still got the rest of her high school life to go through, who knows maybe it will get better. But you must review to find out.**


	3. Sophomore YearSemester One

~*~ 7:30 a.m. September 18 ~*~

_Rag Doll Who Soaks Everything Up._

Walking to school was something that calmed me down, now it just gives me a chance to reflected upon how horrible my life is. But as time passed I realized that I don't even care about anything anymore.

I see Ino drive pass me, this time it's just her and Karin. Karin throws an old pair of shoes at me and misses greatly. I pick the old pair of shoes up and study them. They were the ones I gave to Ino years ago. I throw them in the trash where they belong. Kids still look at me weirdly and make rude comments. But it's nothing really that I haven't heard before. I just soak it all up like a rag.

The people in my homeroom are loud and the poor teacher can't seem to get control of her class. She's a meek and timid woman who kept telling the class to settle down, I decide to leave because I really don't want to hear her repeat herself and them to keep ignoring the woman. I head outside to the cherry blossom field and sit underneath one of the trees.

The leaves dance in the breeze, the sun is shining brightly. Everything is great and the bell rings. I could go to class, or I could stay here. I haven't been to any of my classes so far these pass few weeks so I pull out my schedule and see what my new first period is. Science, what fun. I'll go to class some other time, but for now the soothing sound of the wind moving the trees will be the only thing I listen to for the next hour and a half.

12:02 p.m.

It's lunch time and everyone can't wait to catch up again on how their classes went. Me? I just couldn't wait to go back outside. There is nothing in here for me. I don't have any friends that are just dying to know how my summer went or where I got my clothes or even what I'm going to do this weekend. Being here is so unnecessary. For some odd reason I'm feeling like it's the middle of a snow storm, and I don't have a coat. I decide to leave the shade and sit out under the sun. But even then I'm still cold.

Maybe it's from the lack of nutrition, I rarely get a chance to eat and if I do eat it's not much. I'm surprised I'm not as thin as a stick. Or maybe it's from the lack of love. Love makes people all warm inside, and I seriously lack that. I do love to believe sometimes that deep down, and I mean really deep, Dan loves me. As time moves on I come to let go of that foolish belief.

"Ew, I didn't know they let hobos on school campus." Karin remarked, Ino and Ami laugh weakly. I wonder what's with those two. They don't say anything mean like they used to, well Ami never said anything but Ino hasn't said one mean thing in a while. I ignore Karin as if she wasn't even there. "Hello? I'm talking to you!" She shouts. I guess she doesn't understand that I'm not listening to anything she has to say anymore. I get up and leave after realizing she will never take the hint.

~*~ 1:25 p.m. October 30 ~*~

When I went to my locker there was a note sticking out. I don't bother reading it, I pluck it out and throw it in the nearest garbage can. Some guy and his friends try to scare me, but it didn't work. For one, I heard them running all the way from down the hall and two nothing scares me really. At least not anymore.

I've been late to all my classes today, so I think I'll show up on time for one of them. The one class I chose to show up for was English. Me and the English class don't have too good of a history together.

It's as if the back row was made for me. Every time I show up for a class I just sit myself in the back, away from everyone else. And this classroom has a window. So I can daydream all I want to. Starring at the reflection of myself, I noticed that my hair has gotten paler. It's the color of chewed bubblegum. Should I be worried? Or should I embrace this as a new look?

The teacher passes out a sheet of paper and uncovers the board. The class groans in frustration, she's going to make us take a bunch of notes. "Come on class. Settle down. Now copy down everything you see on the board." She commanded. Students still groaned and whined. No one wanted to take notes. "Oh and one more thing, I have a new seating chart for you guys." She said happily, everyone else failed to see what was there to be cheery about the situation.

She ordered us all to stand up, I didn't though because I'm never really included in any sort of class activity. She moved around all the kids in a way that no one sat by their friends. I finished copying everything quickly and starred out the window. A flock of birds land on a branch. They were all together as if they were a family. One bird flew in a few seconds behind the flock and yet they still made room for the bird.

I wish I could be like that one bird who was late, and still be accepted into the group. They all took off at the same time in a perfect formation. It makes me wonder why people at school can't be like that.

10:15 a.m.

The yard needs to be raked of it's leaves and guess who was assigned the task. The funny thing is that people actually come and rake the leaves off your lawn for free. He purposely tore the bag open and scattered the leaves around. Now I have to clean it up. "Hurry the hell up! The people are coming to get this stuff in an hour!" He slurred.

I didn't make any haste to finish. What do I care if our lawn looks like crap. He saw me not working to my highest potential and snatches the rake out of my hands and hits me in the back with it. It stung a little, but it didn't completely hurt. Then he took it and hit me in the back of my calves. It didn't hurt but it did cause me to fall to my knees.

He frowned when he noticed I didn't scream or cry not once. He was prepared to hit me again with the rake, but the sound of a passing car stopped him. "You got five minutes, and when that five minutes is up I want your ass in that house." He said venomously. He shoves the rake back in my hands and disappears back into the house.

I do a faster job of raking and shove all the leaves into the bag. The colors warm me up inside, but I freeze again when I hear Dan scream for me to come in the house. The first thing he does is drag me by the arm into the living room and slams me on the hard, cold, kitchen floor. He grabs an empty beer bottle and cracks it against my head. Glass shards are everywhere now and I still have yet to cry. This angers him to no end.

He picked up one shard and pointed it at me. His eyes were bloodshot and his hands were trembling. "You better start begging for your life now, or I'll kill you." He said in a pseudo-calm voice. I don't cry and I don't beg for my life I just watch him with hope that he'll kill me now and get it over with. He grabs my hair and yanks me closer to the him. He pressed the glass against my neck and added a little pressure to it. I sit there like a doll on a couch, I didn't move.

He must have realized his threat wouldn't scare me into doing anything because he let me go. He walked out the kitchen muttering about how ungrateful I am.

~*~ 9:30 p.m. November 5 ~*~

I don't waste time sleeping. Sleep is for those who have dreams. I had dreams, but they were filled with way too much hope so I stopped dreaming. Nightmares are all I have and frankly I'm okay with that. Dan is on the phone and he sounds upset. He's yelling and screaming, no doubt his face is red from all his anger. He storms up here and into my room where I'm just waiting for what's coming. "You're grandmother is coming up here next week."

No one in my family has the balls to face Dan. His mom always said that he was just the worst child in the world, or the anti-Christ. Dan was so mean to his older brothers. He used to beat them up, publicly humiliate them, lock them outside the house, and other things. But the most memorable one was when he stabbed his brother in the throat. He's still alive, and that was the first time Dan went to jail on a felony assault charge.

The original charge was attempted murder, but my grandmother really didn't want her son, no matter how horrible, to rot in jail so she pleaded for a lesser charge. That's why no one has the balls to face him, because they know he'll end up killing them and not feeling sorry for it.

Any family coming to see him can't be a good thing. That means he can't hit and abuse me. I can no longer be his punching bag. He'll have to save all his anger for when grandma leaves. He stares at me up and down, as if he was just realizing that I look like an alien. He rolls his eyes and turns to leave but stops at the door. "If she asks you where you got those bruises..." He paused, the tenderness in his voice amazed me. "Just...just say you play tackle football with the boys at school." He leaves.

That's a good one. No one would believe the classic, 'I fell' but this is a pretty good lie. Only problem is I'm too thin and frail to play tackle football with boys who eat nothing but meat, therefore they are the size of the incredible Hulk. Eh, it's better than saying I fell.

~*~ 11:21 a.m. November 12 ~*~

All I could think about was how Dan was going to react when he sees his mother for the first time since he was released from jail about sixteen years ago. Would he be angry? Would he put on a fake act and say he has changed from then? I don't know, Dan was so unpredictable like that. Her plane is coming today so I'll find out tonight.

I haven't seen my grandmother in years, it's been so long that I don't even remember what she looks like. It worries me a lot to think of what she could be like. People change, and it's often not for the better. What if she's an alcoholic, or someone who turns the other cheek when I'm getting beat? Or worse, what if she helps him? I can't even hope that she is my way out of the hellhole some people might call my house.

2:45 p.m.

I see my grandmother and Dan sitting in the living in a tense and uncomfortable silence. She was looking sternly at him and he was avoiding her gaze. I decide that whatever is going on is between them is none of my business. I walk upstairs as quickly as I can. I throw myself on the bed and sigh.

Someone is walking up the stairs and I'm worried. I don't want to talk about my personal life to anyone who doesn't know about it by now. My grandmother opens the door with a small smile on her face. My heart is pounding as I watch her sit down next to me. I noticed her looking at my arms. They looked like I got in a fight with paint and lost.

"Why didn't I let him rot in jail?" She asked with a tone of sadness to her voice. "I didn't mean to let him grow up like this...he just did." She sighed. I couldn't find anything that could possibly make her feel better. I couldn't tell her that even though I get abused everyday my life is great. I couldn't say that this could have been avoided. I stare at her with plain eyes and wait for her to continue her sob story.

"I'm sorry." For what? You act as if you yourself beat the life out of me. She buries her face in her hands and starts sobbing. I don't even move over to pat her on the back or hug her. I just sit and wait patiently for her to calm down enough for her to start talking again. "I can't even begin to understand what he has put you through."

She smooths out my hair and pushes me gently down on the bed. "I'm so sorry." She whispers as she takes a pillow and places it over my face. I struggle as she applies pressure on the pillow. She was trying to suffocate me, she is no better than Dan is. "Please Sakura! I'm trying to help you! I'm trying to set you free!" She shouts as she continues trying to kill me.

Dan busted in the room and all I heard was a loud smack. Suddenly and thankfully the smothering stopped and I was able to breathe again. He was standing up, face red and breathing heavily. His eyes were wide and bloodshot, and he was glaring at his mother who was on the ground crying. "I was only trying to help her. I wanted her to be free!" She cried.

"I think it's time for you to leave." He said sternly. He turned to me. "Are you okay?" I nod in response. "Good."

"Oh shut up!" She screamed as she collected herself off the floor. "You don't care about her!"

"Neither do you! You tried to kill her!" They both start yelling back and forth, I think I know how it feels to be one of Dan's brothers. I wanted to leave but I couldn't. I watched her shove Dan against the wall and smack him several times across the face. He swiftly punched her in the nose. I really wished that was the end of the fight.

Feeling overwhelmed I leave my room and go downstairs hoping for some silence. But I can still hear the sounds of hits being passed back and forth. I waited two whole hours before they both came downstairs. Grandmother grabbed her coat and left, I didn't look at her once as she walked out of the house.

Dan rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. "Why don't you go on upstairs and gets some rest?" I wasn't all that tired, but I did want to lay in bed and not worry about having to deal with her again.

I throw the pillow that almost killed me to the opposite side of my room. She wanted to help me. She wanted to help me by killing me. Is that really the only way out? Last year I would have actually looked into suicide, but now living in hell doesn't bother me. I had already gotten used to the flames.

~*~ 10:50 a.m. December 25 ~*~

My hair looks as white as the snow and my eyes are as green as a Christmas tree. The carolers outside remind me that it's supposed to be a joyous time of year. There isn't anything joyous about this year or any year. Every year it's the same. Dan gets drunk off of eggnog and I wait for him to snap and take his anger out on me. I don't even expect anything nice, I don't expect anything at all.

This year almost went the same way. One difference, which is a major difference was that Dan wasn't drunk. He just sat in his chair starring at the fireplace. I couldn't muster up the courage to say something so I went back upstairs to my room. I bet everyone else is having a great Christmas.

But I really couldn't complain because Dan isn't drunk and he hasn't hit me yet. Perhaps this is his gift to me, a day where I can actually rest peacefully. I sit by my window and watch as snowflakes flutter from the sky down into the pile of snow collected on the ground. I saw my neighbor Kiba outside with his dog. He looked up and saw me, I bet if I open the window he would throw a snowball at me. He waved at me surprisingly and I waved back. We both went on about our business after that.

5:46 p.m.

Me and Dan rarely eat together, in fact I don't think we ever ate together. It seemed awkward sitting there with him. In my mind I try to imagine that we aren't a dysfunctional family, that everything is completely normal. It takes a lot of imagination for me to do that but I manage. On my left is my mother and grandmother, sitting across from me is Dan and to my right is my aunt and uncle. We're all happy and there is no uneasiness whatsoever.

Dan and my uncle would be talking about sports or whatever and I would listen my mom, grandma, and aunt talk about the holiday sales that went on. My mother would mention all the work that went in to make such a marvelous meal, and everyone would agree that all her work, with a little of my help was well worth it. Of course this is nothing more than a dream, but I gotta admit it's a pretty good dream.

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	4. Sophomore YearSemester Two

**New chapter, new feelings, new people. Let's see what awaits Sakura now.**

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~*~ 12:09 a.m. January 1 ~*~

I woke up from the worst nightmare I could ever have in my entire life. Only it wasn't merely just a nightmare, it was a reply of the worst event in my life. I sat up in my bed and hugged my knees to my chest. I look at the calendar hanging on the wall. Today is the start of the month that ruined not my life, but Dan's and my mother's.

I know Dan is drunk right now. I can hear him stumbling over the furniture and yelling angrily. This month, every time it comes it always makes him remember what he did on that day. He always gets wasted every January just so he won't have to remember that he killed my mother.

I was four at the time, they were having one of their worst arguments that I could remember. They had been together for six years, and she was tired of dreaming of a better life. She wanted to live the life she dreamed of, the one he vowed to give her that day. But he didn't want to let her go, he'll be damned if that happened.

He threatened to kill her if she agree to stay with him. She stood her ground, she didn't stay anymore. Because it wasn't fair to her or me. That made him mad. There were four bullets with my name on them. But she loved me so much she took them for me. I was scared out of my mind of what he was going to do next. Instead shooting me with the remaining bullets, he shot her two more times. Six bullets for six years of marriage.

The cops came and saw him so distraught. They believed that he had nothing to do with my mother's death, they didn't investigate anything. They chalked it all up to a break in gone wrong. Why? Because that's the lie he told them, and I agreed because I didn't want to suffer the same fate.

Everyday I feel like I sold her out. I betrayed her by not telling the truth. I did it to save my own life.

1:24 p.m.

I'm so caught up in my own thoughts that I forget what my surroundings are. I find myself walking randomly and aimlessly when I really just want to lay down. I soon found myself at the top of the stairs, I figured I must need some water.

I failed to realize Dan walking up the stairs until we brushed past each other. The small contact scared the both of us. He shoved me down the stairs, which was something I'm no stranger to. My back is a little sore, but I'll get over it. I picked myself up slowly only to fall once again when I saw Dan standing in front of me.

I can not tell what he is going to do next, but I'm ready for anything. He picked me up by the shoulders and wrapped his arms around me. The gesture made me so scared I was trembling severely. "Why are you shaking? I'm not going to hurt you." He said in a trance like voice. If I wasn't scared before I am now.

I mustered up the courage to push him away and run. I locked myself in my room. This can't be the Dan I grew up with. This isn't the guy who would push me down the stairs, kick me in the face, have a drink, and repeat the cycle all over again. No, this is someone else. I don't know, but something is definitely wrong.

~*~ 1:30 a.m. January 19 ~*~

Today is the day mine and Dan's life changed forever. Today marks what would have been the seventeenth anniversary of my parent's marriage, but instead it's the eleventh anniversary of the day my mother was killed.

Four days ago it was his birthday and two days after that was her's. Nothing unusual happened really at first. He drunk the last of his alcohol and went on a serious rampage. The whole entire time I was just waiting for him to burst into my room and beat me into submission. The anticipation was killing me, fore he hadn't even bothered coming up to my room yet.

So I decided to make his job a little easier. I went downstairs and saw the living room a horrid mess. I took a really deep breath and dragged myself to the kitchen where he was no doubt. He looked at me as if I was someone else. I couldn't figure out the expression on his face at the time, but thinking back to it now, I think he was relived, afraid, happy, and sorry.

As he was walking towards me, in a trance like state, I walked backwards thinking I needed to get out of there and fast. "Rin wait!" He shouted after me. I nearly froze in my tracks when he called me that. Rin is my mother's name. He tackled me to the ground and tried to get me to face him. "I'm not letting you leave! I'm not letting you go!" I facing him when he shouted that, I was scared more so than confused.

He wrapped his calloused hands around my throat and began choking me. At first it wasn't that bad, I kind of gotten used to the feeling of being without air. But his grip got tighter and I was more afraid of him breaking my neck then choking me. "Dan..." I managed to breathe out. "Stop..."

"Not until you promise me you'll stay!"

"I'm not-"

"Promise me!" He screamed making his hold on me tighter.

"I-I..." I blacked out after that. He must have had way too much to drink in order to confuse me with my mother. But nevertheless I did wake up, not in my room. But in his, my heart skipped a lot of beats when I saw him right next to me. As quietly as I could I ran out the room and outside to the park.

Never, ever, in all my years of living with him has he ever done what he did that day or when this month first started. I dread what his odd behavior could do to me if we see each other. I lay in bed all day, only leaving to go to the bathroom. I haven't been to school since last month. I wondered if anybody noticed? Probably not. Actually, definitely not.

I won't know until next month. Just wake me up when January ends.

~*~ 7:30 a.m. February 5 ~*~

I feel like a ghost, like I don't exist in the real world. That I'm only a figment of certain people's imagination. When I looked at a mirror I really realized just how different I was. I wasn't Sakura. I couldn't be. I went to the office and took a new student registration form. I find it very fitting to pass myself off as a new person.

I handed the form to the lady at the administration desk. She glanced over and looked at me. Then she looked at the name I wrote. She seemed a bit puzzled. "Kiri?" She questioned.

"Yep."

"Kiri Hara. Interesting name. Welcome to our school, I hope you have a great time here." If only you knew. I take my new schedule which looks exactly like my old schedule and leave. I walked by Ino who looked confused when she saw me, I pass her by as if I didn't see her. Just in an instant I heard her and a bunch of other girls scream, "He's here!".

I couldn't help but wonder who is "he" and why is he so popular. It looks like every girl in the school is screaming over this guy.

A lot of people seem excited over this kid, I wonder if he's famous. Finally the object of everyone's desire comes in and all the girls squeal and faint. He's not famous, but he is definitely something worth screaming about. I recognize him, we used to go to elementary school together before he suddenly left.

All I could remember Ino saying is that she would give anything to be his wife. And with looks like his, who wouldn't? His name is Sasuke from what I hear the girl's scream over and over again. Before walking away from the pathetic site of a bunch of girls screaming over one guy, our eyes locked in an intriguing gaze.

It wasn't immediately, but as soon as I could I looked away. A person like me should never be caught starring at a guy like him. I walk away from the crowd hoping that he won't remember me. Why do I even have to hope, he definitely won't remember me.

9:23 a.m.

History class has been so boring before in my life. We are taking a test on the Sengoku period, well not me because I wasn't there when they learned it. I sat in the front of the classroom, just for today. I don't know what compelled me to do that. Perhaps fate really wanted me to get revenge against a certain person.

Karin and Ino finished their test at the same time, and got up to turn them in. I moved my foot from under the desk and out in the aisle where they were walking. The timing couldn't have been any better.

Karin tripped over my foot and landed flat on her face. Ino must have been wrapped up in her own little world because she tripped over Karin. The class was silent, but then someone stood up and pointed at the two girls snickering. "Have a nice trip, see you next fall!" The class was filled with loud laughter.

I would laugh too but I didn't really find it funny per se, I found it satisfying. Embarrassed, the two girls got up and walked back to their seats, sitting down and avoid eye contact with everyone.

What they say about revenge is true, it is pretty sweet. Especially when you kill two birds with one stone.

~*~ 8:55 a.m. February 14 ~*~

I just realized that the school was having a Valentine's Day dance tonight. That's one event that I definitely will not be found at. But walking past classrooms I realized that people are very excited about tonight. I don't understand why, but that's mostly due to me not knowing a single thing about love and my lack of friends or at least associates.

I am late to class, which isn't really unusual and as always it doesn't really matter. Because they treat 'Kiri' just like they treated Sakura. I am someone who is there, not important in any way, they're just there. I can't say that I mind actually because it's not like I want to be noticed by anyone.

The last thing I want right now is for anyone to see through my ruse. I should start paying attention to where I'm going and stop thinking so much. I feel like I just ran into a brick wall. I rub my forehead and groan. "Are you okay?" Hearing that made me look up and see Sasuke looking a bit worried.

"Um...y-yeah. I'm f-fine." I tried to say calmly. He stuck out his hand intending me to use it to help myself up. My hand trembled as I did so and as I stood in front of him, my legs trembled slightly as well. "I'm Kiri. Kiri Hara."

A questioning look appeared on his face briefly before it was replaced with a intrigued look. "Interesting. I'm Sasuke, it's nice to meet you _Kiri_." My heartbeat stopped for a moment when I heard the way he said my false name. "You know I used to know a girl who looked exactly like you." He picked a lock of my hair off my shoulder and showed it to me. "Except she had _pink _hair."

Looking at the lock of hair, I realized that part of it was pink. I look at another lock of hair and realized that it was partially pink as well. "And her eyes were green." He said quietly. I don't know why it's just now coming to me now but Sasuke and I, back in elementary school were fairly close. All these years apart plus taking so many hits to the head made me forget that.

"How did you know?"

"It's obvious. You should consider yourself lucky that people here can't put two and two together."

I nod my head in response. I have to be careful around him, he always was able to break people down. It's a miracle that I was able to keep my secret from him no matter how close we were.

~*~ 9:45 a.m. March 17 ~*~

As I sat outside the classroom, I couldn't help but to reminisce about the days Sasuke and I shared. He made some of my days worth living for when Ino wasn't there.

The days I hung out with him were probably the days I was made fun of the least. Probably because people were afraid of Sasuke, but whatever the case I felt safe with him. I never told him about Dan, because it never came up. With him, I immediately forget that Dan even exist.

After Sasuke left, I completely forgot he existed. Our friendship has fell apart, decayed because of how long we haven't communicated and severed because of his sudden departure. He didn't even say goodbye. I sat rest my head against the lockers. Why am I thinking so much about him? I should be focused on what's in front of me.

And what I did see in front of me was something that for some reason made my heart drop down to my stomach, it gave me a weird feeling. The guy I was just thinking about was standing in front of me. Maybe he doesn't exactly see me, but something else. I tried to avoid eye contact, but I gave in eventually and looked up at him. I could only think of one thing to say, "Hey."

"Hey." He replied. To my surprise he sat down next to me, all of my thoughts were now scrambled all over the place. "What are you doing out here?"

I didn't look right at him, but in his direction. "Thinking."

"About what?"

"A lot of things." Life, death, you and me but that's only a few things. My mind is pretty complex. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class?"

He shook his head no. "I have a free period. And you?"

"I technically have a free period." That was the first time I have ever had a decent conversation with anyone in years. We sat together in comfortable silence until the bell rang.

4:34 p.m.

I think now it's finally safe to say Dan has returned back to normal. Well sort of, he hasn't been angry in a while. He sort of just mopes around and on occasion he will get wasted. I mostly find him in on the couch starring off into space or in his room pasted out. I'm kind of worried about him. But I'm sure it's just a phase.

My birthday is coming up soon, so maybe he's just saving up his energy for that. It's still weird not having to be worried about him randomly hitting me for things that have nothing to do with me. Maybe it's just the anticipation that's making me feel weird. I'm constantly on edge, like I have to keep my guard up everyday.

Hopefully the feeling will subside, and be replaced with an easier feeling to live with.

~*~ 8:25 a.m. March 28 ~*~

Would you believe I didn't get anything from Dan? Nothing absolutely nothing. I found him in his room passed out with a bottle of vodka in his hand. But I can't complain, I didn't want a gift anyway. I walked to school and passed by the old alley way I passed out in last year. It hasn't changed a bit. But I really wouldn't know that because I could barely see anything last year.

No one is expecting me at school so I decide to nestle myself into the old pile of sheets and cardboard boxes and go to sleep for awhile. It dangerous, and I don't recommend anyone else doing it, but I'm nobody so it doesn't matter. Being in this pile of trash in a weird way reminds me in my mother's arms. I feel safe right here. Technically I am homeless, because a home is a place where you can feel safe, secure, and loved. And I don't feel any of that when I'm at Dan's house.

But out here it's the exact opposite. I don't know maybe those beatings finally took a toll on my brain and I'm just going crazy. That makes me laugh every time I say that. I dust myself off and head to school.

1:45 p.m.

In front of my locker as soon as I got out of class was a pink and green bag. Whatever prank this is, is so far so good. I can't fight the feeling of curiosity so I look in the bag not expecting what I had saw. Inside was a make up kit. Concealer, mascara, eyeliner, lip gloss, the whole nine yards. I guess this is a way to tell me the truth I'm so very aware of.

I pull the card out of the bag and analyze it. It's in a purple envelope, my name is written on it, and it smells like cotton candy. Reluctantly I open it. It's to me and get this, it's from Ino. At this moment I'm waiting for all her loser friends to jump out and do something humiliating to me. It didn't happen, yet.

_I know you have had a rough year, and I wasn't making it any better. I hope you take this gift as an apology. I'm sorry and happy birthday._

She's sorry? She is sorry? I should be happy right? I should be ecstatic, jumping up and down, doing flips, just absolutely joyful.

But I'm not. I'm actually kinda mad. She waited this long to apologize for ditching me, when she was my only best friend. I sought comfort in her when I lost my mother, I trusted her to stand up for me when I couldn't stand up for myself, she chose her image over our friendship. And she's sorry?

I'm sorry I picked such a shallow bitch to be my best friend. It's a good thing I didn't tell her any of my secrets, with her big mouth I'm sure I would have regret it. I'm really surprised that she hasn't bought the whole Kiri thing. She still doesn't have the guts to apologize to my face or to want to be friends again. Her apology is a little too late and it doesn't mean anything to me. I put the bag in my locker and the card in the trash.

~*~ 10:00 a.m. April 1 ~*~

Ino and Sasuke started going out. I couldn't help but for unknown reasons feel a little jealous. Karin was jealous also, but unlike me she has a reason for it-she likes him too. Karin is doing everything in her power to break their relationship up, and I feel like I'm on her side the whole way.

I was never too fond of Karin, but I'm not too fond of Ino either. I feel like this is something that I shouldn't even be worried about. I can't have feelings for him. One because, I feel like I am drained of all feelings. And two, we simply just don't belong together. I don't even entertain thoughts of us being together, because it will never happen. It's the truth and I know it.

Why in the world would I hope for the impossible?

12:30 p.m.

As I was walking to some random place I passed by a lot of couples. I didn't feel the need or desire to want to have a boyfriend myself but it did make me wonder what is love and what's it like. It seems like a nice thing to have someone love you for who you are. I laughed as I thought that. The reason being, no one on earth would ever love me for who I am. Maybe feel sorry for me, but not love.

I turned a corner and froze. I saw Ino and Sasuke, holding each other and starring deeply into each others eyes. She blushed lightly as he said to her that I couldn't quite hear. I wanted to turn around and pretend like I never saw anything. But it was like someone didn't want me to, it wanted me to see what I have been missing out on.

Their lips connected in a powerful kiss. I felt a little nauseous watching them make out. Whatever wouldn't allow me to move wanted to torture me. It wanted me to feel lonely. After what seems like an eternity, I was able to run before they noticed me. I ran straight for the bathroom, found the nearest available toilet and threw up in it.

I fell to my knees after I assumed I was done. It felt really weird throwing up because the only time I ever throw up is when Dan used to stomp me in the gut, and it wouldn't be whatever was in my stomach it would have been blood. I feel horrible.

But there's more. The walls are kind of thin here, I heard Ino say that she loved Sasuke and I heard him say it back to her. I threw up once more, but this time it lasted longer than the first time. I clutched my stomach, feeling it sort of squeeze itself in order to empty out all of it's contents. I shuddered as I tried to breathe.

The door opened which scared me. I wiped the corners of my mouth and flushed the toilet. As I left I saw Ino standing there, looking at me as if she knew what just happened. I heard her softly call my name, but I didn't stop I kept going. I also saw Sasuke, looking equally as worried. I stumbled to avoid him. I don't know why, but I feel like crying for no particular reason.

~*~ 9:34 a.m. April 18 ~*~

I decided to wake up late today. Why I decided to that, I don't really know. But Dan doesn't know I'm here. After I finished getting ready for another miserable day of school, I quietly crept downstairs. I saw him in his usual spot, but this time he appeared to be crying. Judging from the dialogue I hear from the T.V. I think it's something about a wedding.

Needless to say, I was surprised. I didn't think he was into that sort of stuff. I didn't think anything could bring him to tears except maybe bringing up the forbidden topic, but that story is enough to make anyone cry really. I leave while he still doesn't notice me, I just know that it will kill him if he knew that I knew he has a sensitive side.

10:11 a.m.

Loneliness is what we're both feeling I guess. You would think that I would be used to it by now, and up until recently I was. I never pay attention to what's is directly in front of me. I mostly just stare at the floor and watch out for other people's shoes. My heart almost literally pounded through my chest when my face collided with someone's chest.

It was a guy, I could tell by the flat and muscular chest and masculine scent. It wasn't just any guy either, it was the one guy who has been plaguing my thoughts for a while. I noticed Sasuke and I were very close to each other. I reached up and placed my hands against his chest to feel his heartbeat. Slowly his arms found their way around my waist, pulling me even closer to him.

The embrace we were in was causing all my thoughts to scatter around. I was enjoying it and hating it at the same time. I haven't been in close contact with anyone except my mom, and I guess you could count Dan.

I found myself starring into his deep dark eyes and he was starring into mine which were the exact same color. We stayed completely silent, savoring this moment. The bell rung, thank goodness. Any second longer and we might have ended up kissing.

Who am I kidding? That would have never happened.

~*~ 8:30 a.m. May 2 ~*~

Today is our class field trip to the science center downtown. Nobody is too ecstatic about it, but the teacher seems happy enough for all of us. I sat in the back of the bus, while people who cared about what the teacher was saying sat in the front. I tried to fall asleep but it is impossible due to the bumpy road and loud students.

I stare out the window for a while. I never knew how alive the city was. I have only been this far in town once, I was three then. Everyone appears to have a purpose and place. The flow of the movement is very well organized, not a single person moving out of formation. I wonder why I'm thinking about all that. Clearly there is some underlying meaning to that thought. I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm sure I will soon.

I look in front of me and notice Sasuke and Ino not sitting too far from me. When I picture people in love, I imagine them having fun, smiling and holding on to each other, just emitting this glow of happy energy. That's not what I see in front of me, I see quite the opposite. Ino seems to be trying to warm up to Sasuke by talking about random unimportant things, but he seems bored.

Is it possible to be bored with someone you love? I don't think so, not that I would know. The bus stops in front of the large building where we will be spending most of our school time in. If I was still infatuated with school would be jumping with joy.

10:16 p.m.

The teacher says we can split into groups and wander around. It's only because as a whole class we aren't covering enough ground. I didn't group up with anyone I just sat down on a bench near the front door, knowing that no one will notice me.

Unfortunately I was wrong. "Kiri, honey why don't you go and explore things with your friends?" Is she joking? All the times I have been in her class she has never seen me talk to anyone or sit near anyone.

"I have no friends." I deadpanned. I saw the look on her face go from cheery to worried.

"I know being a new student is tough, but don't worry, you'll make friends in no time. In fact I'll help you." At that point I wanted to get up and run away, but it was far too late. She saw Sasuke and called him over here. Out of all people that could have walked by, it had to be him. "Sasuke, this Kiri. She's a little shy and needs help fitting in. Surely you can help her feel welcome."

I have never felt embarrassed before until right now. "Sure. I'll help her out." He said looking at me. I avoid his gaze by starring down at his shoes.

"Excellent!" She assisted me up and pushed both of us off towards some random direction. Why does it matter if I have friends or not? Nobody else cares that I don't, and before now neither did her. People never help me out when I actually need them to.

12:09 p.m.

Sasuke and I haven't said a word to each other yet. So basically we were just walking in total silence for the past two hours. I try to muster up the courage to say something, but I don't have the courage to say anything.

"How long do you plan to keep up this charade?"

"What do you mean?"

He stopped and turned around to face me. "How long are you going to keep the truth from everyone?" I looked away from him. Using his finger he lifted my chin up so I was looking him in the eye. "Sakura, you may have everyone else here fooled but I'm not an idiot."

"Unfortunately." I meant to say that in my mind, not out loud.

"You're hiding something."

"I'm not hiding anything." He sighed. He knows I'm hiding something, but I'm not ready to reveal it to anyone. And honestly I don't think it's a problem anymore. Dan hasn't intentionally hit me in a while. I feel like things have changed, but it doesn't mask the emptiness I feel inside. Whenever one aspect of my life changes for the better, another one takes a plunge into the worst. I just can never win in life.

He started walking again. "Sasuke." I called after him.

"Hm?"

What I wanted to tell him originally was replaced with three words I could never find myself saying to anyone. I can't tell him I love him, because I don't love him. I don't know why I would even think of saying that. I shook my head. "Never mind." I can hear the sorrow in my own voice. What is happening to me?

~*~ 2:30 p.m. May 24 ~*~

Ino and Sasuke broke up. It was two weeks ago I believe when it happened. I almost felt a sense of happiness run through my body. But instead it was a sicken feeling, almost like I am anticipating something to happen.

Right before class ends, I run into Sasuke. We don't say anything to each other at first. It almost seemed as if he was a little hurt that I couldn't tell him my secret. I want to, but I don't at the same time. It's so confusing. I feel wrong for trying to lie to him. But until I'm ready to talk about it, I'll just insist that there is nothing wrong.

I found myself in his strong embrace. For some reason I feel complete now. Like slowly the life is being forced back into me. Then the most shocking thing that could ever happen to me happened. His lips captured mine, in a soft yet sweet kiss. As I kissed him back I felt all my senses overwhelm with this feeling of being alive.

For that moment, I felt alive, I felt pleasure, I felt loved.

We pulled apart slowly when air became an issue. "I'll see you next year." He whispered. I nodded my head in response and watched him walk away. Sudden then I felt an enormous pain all over my body. It feels like my soul is being ripped from my body, and every internal organ is exploding one by one.

I think all this time he was just analyzing me. As kids he would always read me like an open book, that's definitely what I think he was trying to do. He now knows me better than anyone.

I back up to the lockers and then slump to the floor. That kiss that felt so sweet while it happened, is making me feel like I'm dying. I still can't figure out what's wrong. "Kiri, sweetheart are you okay?" Oh great it's Johnny come lately, also known as the science teacher whose name I could never remember.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired."

"You should be excited! Today is the last day of school!" And the last day I have to see you, because I passed all my classes. I get up and troll behind her out the building. I wasn't listening to a word she has been saying.

This has to be an all time low for me. Like I have been depressed, and for some odd reason it's gotten worse. But that's a different story for a different chapter in my life.

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**Read, Review, & Love**


	5. Junior Year

**I am terribly sorry for the long update, like how long has it been 3 or 4 weeks? Unfortunately I came down with a bad case of writers block :(**

**I been having certain debates about certain parts of this chapter (namely the ending). But I sat down and forced myself into the right state of mind to type this chapter, and I feel pretty good about it.**

**Before you move on, this isn't the end of the story. This will make sense after you read it.**

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~*~ 8:30 a.m. September 10 ~*~

I look at my clock and realize that I need to go to school. I move just a little, and a sharp pain shoots up my leg. I groan in pain as I forced myself out of bed. In the back of my mind I think, why do I even bother going to school? Why do I bother to get out of bed?

A better question that I just thought of is why do I even breathe? It sucks to wake up every single morning now. I feel like there's this dark cloud over my head. Don't get me wrong, there was always a cloud over my head, but it wasn't as dark as it is now.

As I was getting dressed, I couldn't help but stare at my reflection. The girl-person rather-starring back at me is broken. I pick up my shoe and throw it at the mirror. Now the person is really broken. One day when the cloud disappears, I will glue the pieces together.

I broke a mirror which means seven years of bad luck. What on earth could be worse than my life? It would be like trashing a pig's sty or killing a dead person.

1:10 p.m.

I have art class. The teacher, Inabi, keeps saying that art is the best way to express your thoughts and feelings. I have only been in this class once, and I still knew I'm gong to fail. I have no feelings and my thoughts can't be conveyed in any form.

I was carving something into a rock and then I felt something cool and wet running down my hand. I brushed it off and keep carving the rock. "Ahh!" Everyone's head snapped up and looked at the person responsible for screaming. It was Ino, how typical. Everyone followed Ino's eyes to my hand, which was mysteriously bloody.

I inspected it closely and realized that I have cut myself, pretty badly. It's weird that I didn't notice it until now. I wonder what would've happened if Ino didn't scream. Inabi quickly sprung into action and grabbed a bunch of paper towels. "Go get the nurse or something!" He yelled at a student who was just standing idly by.

Doesn't this scene seem a little familiar? The nurse rushed into the room and inspected my hand. "Oh my!" She exclaimed. "Are you alright dear?" I have a giant gash in my hand and I'm not screaming in pain. I guess I'm okay.

"Eh." Was my enthusiastic response. She pulled out her nurse's kit and took out some peroxide. The students clamor about how much it's going to sting. I'm ready for anything. She soaked a rag in the peroxide and waited a bit before applying it. "This is going to sting a bit." She warned me as if I didn't just hear other say that.

She applied the rag to the cut and I didn't feel a thing. "Dude, she's freaking bionic!"

"Man I would be crying if I was her."

"I remember when the nurse put that stuff on my arm, all I did was cry and yell." It was then that I realized that no pain that comes from any outside force could ever hurt worse than the pain I feel inside, I guess that the pain from within is just a distraction from the outside world.

"There, all better." She said. I didn't even notice her wrap a bandage cloth around my hand. I wish she would've done this two years ago, instead of calling Dan.

I looked at my sculpture on the desk and saw that it resembled a skull that was bashed in. The blood really helped the look. I think I'll take it with me and put it in my room.

~*~ 12:13 p.m. September 29 ~*~

Instead of hanging out by the trees I decide to wander around the halls for lunch. The school is a lot smaller than I had originally thought. I pass by the door that led to the school pool. It says students are welcomed and encouraged to come here during any of their free time. I have nothing but free time, so I go in.

The smell of chlorine is in the air. There are no lights, only the natural sunlight from the windows. The reflection of the pool water and sound of it moving is so calming. To me it's a beautiful scene. I take my shoes off and soak my feet in the cold water. I move my feet back and forth and watch the ripple affect take place.

I look at myself in the water and laughed for no apparent reason. My feet continued to tread water and I look at my distorted reflection. I heard the door open and close. I didn't bother turn around, but I am prepared to be pushed into the pool.

The person sat down beside me. It was a long while before I turned around and saw my ex-best friend sitting right next to me. "How's it going?" She asks casually.

I didn't want to talk to her, I didn't want to say a thing. "It's okay I guess." I say in spite of me not wanting to talk to her.

She nods. "That's good...You know teachers are really starting to worry about you." She says.

"Why?" I asked.

"They think that you're...you know..." She trails off.

"I'm..." I pause. "I'm not abused. Or even suicidal or depressed." It's not like I was lying, Dan hasn't hit me in almost a year I believe. Once I stopped crying I guess I took all the fun out of it for him. As for being depressed, well let's just say all my unhappy experiences finally came back and slapped me across the face.

"Yeah but-"

"Ino, trust me. There is nothing wrong with me."

"Nothing wrong with you? Look at yourself! It's almost like you're someone else!"

I get up and grab my shoes. "I am someone else." And I have her to thank for it. I left the pool without another word. It's funny because she was the one person who witnessed and acknowledged my slow decaying for years and now she wants to say something to me when I'm at the point of no return. I guess that's life for you.

6:30 p.m.

I sat on the roof and watched the sun go down. The sky had many different colors and shades. There was orange, pink, blue, yellow, it all meshed well together. I felt my heart warm up a little. But it froze instantly when I saw Dan get in his car. I don't look at him directly, so I can't tell if he's looking at me.

Within a few seconds I heard his car drive away. For some reason him driving away reminds me of Ino turning her back on me. Speaking of Ino, I can't really stop thinking about what she said to me a few hours ago. If I really want to convince people I am fine, I'm going to have to act like I'm fine. Seems hard though, all my problems are far to deep for me to push aside and slap a fake smile on my face.

I can't fix what's on the inside, but I could give myself a makeover. I climbed back inside through my window and went straight to my closet. I know somewhere I have some black hair dye that I have thinking about using one year for Halloween. As you can see I never really got around to doing that. I found the box in no time and headed for the bathroom.

I'm debating whether I want to leave some of my natural and faded hair color. Black, white, and pink why not?

As if there were a way to make this more outstanding, I decided to cut my waist length hair to about a few inches past my shoulders. I fluff out my hair with my fingers and smile, I honestly feel satisfied with my new look.

~*~ 3:09 a.m. October 2 ~*~

I'm outside sitting at the park, the patrol rolls by every now and then and looks at me weirdly, most likely cause I'm out past curfew. I'm almost surprised Dan didn't try to stop me from leaving. He was looking right at me when I left. But then again, he doesn't do much nowadays, he's still goes to work but after that he just grabs a drink sit in his chair and stare at the T.V. Or get wasted and pass out in his room. I wonder how long it would be before all that alcohol finally catches up to him.

"You're still thinking aren't you?" The familiar voice sends a warming sensation down my spine.

"Yeah."

"Don't you think it's a little early to be out?" He questions.

"Shouldn't I be asking you the same thing?"

"You should never answer a question with a question." He said. "And I'm always up this early." I usually wake up around four, but today it seems like one of those days were I should wake early for no reason.

I can never fight the feeling of curiosity. "What do you do?" I ask him.

He looked up at the sky filled with bright stars. "Walk around, and think." It seems like we're both thinkers. I wonder what he has to think about and if he wonders what I think about. He sat next to me and I instantly rested my head on his shoulder. He held me closer to his body as a cool breeze rolled by.

"I have to say, black is not really your color but the hair cut is nice." He stated.

I chuckle. "I'm just experimenting with different looks."

"You look beautiful."

I feel my cheeks heat up. "Thank you." That's the first time I have ever heard anyone say that to me in my entire life. I'm grateful to be spending time with a guy like Sasuke. I look up into his eyes and smile, he looks really amazing in the moonlight. He leaned down and pecked my softly on the lips before completely capturing my lips. We kissed each other with equal passion and force.

We shyly pull apart and he rests his forehead on mine. What a truly great moment.

9:45 a.m.

I missed first period and I'm missing second period as well. Instead of doing the right thing I chose to go outside and sit underneath the trees. A few feet away from me there were some guys playing basketball. A bird flew within inches of my face and scared me half to death, but not as much as seeing a round, orange object flying towards me. I stick out my hands to protect my face from any further damage. I hadn't realized I caught the ball until I looked at it in my hands. I breathe a sigh of relief.

Sasuke came rushing toward me, obviously to get the ball back. I have to admit this guy is beautiful, a little too beautiful. Sometimes I think he can't be real. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" His voice startled me, because as many times as I have encountered being hit with a ball, no one has ever asked me if I was okay or apologized ever. I nod my head and hand him the ball.

He nodded the kind of nod that means he doesn't believe me. "Okay, later." He runs back over and continues playing. For some reason now I can't stop thinking about our kiss we shared on the last day of school or how close we were earlier. If only I could relive those moments and not be clouded with the pain associated with it.

I shook my head. I couldn't believe I just thought that. But in all honesty, it would be nice. He makes me almost want to dream about what it would be like if he was my savior.

~*~ 1:15 p.m. October 10 ~*~

Every week I can literally feel myself being deprived of all emotions. I wonder does that mean at the end of next month I'll be a living dead person. Cause that's what I feel like. I'm in art class and the teacher instructed us to paint something that matches what we feel like on the inside. I don't have feelings so I'm just painting whatever comes to mind.

The teacher walks by me and my painting. Almost immediately he turned on his heel and came back over to me. He studied my picture, so did everyone else in the class. I don't see what's there to look at, so I step back. I hadn't realized I painted a field of dead cherry blossoms and a graveyard.

The picture screamed depression all over. "Um...Well I uh, this..." He couldn't find words to describe what's in front of him. He left; I think he might go get the guidance counselor or somebody. I look over my shoulder to see concerned faces, some not even sure how to react. Do I really feel this bad?

The counselor came in and studied the picture. She didn't know what to say. She got up close to see all the little details, such as the words on the tombstone and the skull I painted on the tree. She turned around and looked at me. "Inabi, may I take her?" He nodded his head yes, and I was whisked away to the guidance office.

I sat down on the couch in front of her. She smiled that type of smile that meant she was unsure of something. "Hi sweetheart is everything okay?"

I stare at the wall beside me that has a ton of pictures of people with their friends, having fun. "Yeah. I'm fine." She studies me up and down.

"So how has school been for you?"

I shrugged. "Okay I guess." She wrote down some stuff on a piece of pink paper. Now I'm just guessing here, but I think that she is filling out some sort of referral form.

"You know, I have sort of been keeping an eye on you." That's not weird at all. I just nod my head. "Kiri, a lot of people are starting to worry about you." What people? There are no people, outside of Sasuke and now all of a sudden Ino, that care about me.

"That's nice and all but there is nothing wrong with me. Absolutely nothing." A tense silence fell between us. My heart was beating fast, I wanted to tell her everything at that moment. I wanted to tell her that nothing was fine, and everything is wrong with me. I want to tell her that my name isn't Kiri, but I can't, and I won't.

"Well okay. But I want you to know if there is anything wrong at all, you can come talk to me." She says with a reassuring smile on her face. I nod and leave before she has the chance to say anything else. It was a painting that reflected how I felt, and I feel dead. Is there anything more left to say?

3:35 p.m.

Whatever happened to the days where people minded there own business and didn't bother with interfering with my life? Why on earth are people here so backwards? As I was sitting at the park, I pondered those questions. I saw a girl who was running and suddenly she tripped over a tree root and fell. I looked around and saw people behaving as if nothing happened.

She was sniffling and holding her knee as if she seriously hurt it. No one still bothered to come to her rescue. After taking several deep breathes and realized that no one was going to help her, she got up and walked away with a slight limp. It was then that everyone started to care for the little girl. I turn away from the scene immediately in disgust.

Anywhere else in the world people don't show up all after the fact. I have the urge to smile about that, for reasons I will never understand. There's got to be a way to distract my everyday life. An idea hit me, well rather rolled in front of me. An empty beer can...

I stare at it for what seems to be an eternity. I leave the bench and headed straight for the nearest bus stop that will take me downtown.

3:58 p.m.

I overheard a bunch of kids at school talking about a bar that serves alcohol to minors. We passed by it on our field last year, and a lot of people were wishing they could be there instead of at the science center. I took a deep breathe before entering.

I observed a lot of people here, mainly people who went to my school both teachers and students, but more students. I walked over to the bar and sat down. As someone who has seen what alcohol can do to a person, you would think that I would never ever in my life drink. But I can't fight the feeling of curiosity. I want to know, what's the appeal of drinking.

The bartender sees me and smiles. He pours some whiskey in a glass and slides it over to me. "Thanks." I said quietly. The smell reminds me of Dan a lot. I take a small sip and gag.

"That's why you're supposed to gulp it down." The bartender said.

"Right." I should know this. Dan always gulps his drinks down. I swirl the drink in my hand in lieu of drinking it.

"You're not a drinker are you?"

"Nope. And I don't think I'll ever be."

"That's good to hear. You know we serve drinks to minor in the hopes that they will make a mistake." Wow, you don't hear people wanting you to mess up too often. "And we hope that they learn from it the easy way, instead dieing or going to jail." We look around the bar and see that hope being trampled over.

"They'll learn sooner or later." Whether it's the hard or easy way. "How much do I owe you?"

He shakes his head. "It's on the house." I left, still not distracted from life but I feel like I learned a lot from this little venture.

~*~ 9:25 a.m. October 18 ~*~

I was called down to the guidance office during biology. I know it can't be for any good reasons. My heart was pounding for so many different reasons. I never liked the counselor, she is far to nosy for her own good. Why can't she comprehend that my life is going amazingly great? Even if it is a lie. But in my opinion, which is the only one that matters to me because it's my life, I think it's getting better.

I opened the door and was greeted with a smile from the lady. "Hello Kiri."

"..." I gave her a curt nod and sat down.

"So I think it's time that you see a psychologist." She said without delaying her point.

"I don't think so."

"Well me and a few other staff members feel it would benefit you."

"That's great, but I don't need a psychologist."

"Since last year we have noticed an increase in attendance, teacher's have noticed that you are often by yourself and are reluctant to cooperate with other students, and your grades aren't very good." I get up and leave. "Kiri wait!" I ignore the lady and keep walking. I can't believe that people couldn't figure this out on day one when I really needed their help.

4:56 p.m.

I sat underneath a tree at the park, starring at an ant hill nearby. I still couldn't stop thinking about what happened earlier. The nerve of some people. Especially her. I don't even know her name, but she annoys me more than anyone at that damn school, and that says a lot because a lot of people annoy me.

"The teachers were freaking out because of you."

I look up and see Sasuke standing in front of me with his fist jammed in his pockets. "I don't know why. I'm just one student. They have plenty of other stuff to worry about." He sat down next to me. I moved closer to him and rested my head in his lap. "All my life I have been ignored, and brushed off as a insignificant insect. And now all of a sudden everyone is interested in me after I have already weathered the storm." I told him.

"People are now seeing the light." He said simply.

"But why know? Why not when my only friend ditched me or when my so called father was beating the living daylights out of me?" I didn't really want that last part to slip out, but it did and I can't take it back. His calm appearance changed to a slightly aggressive one when I said the last part. "Calm down, the worst is over. He hasn't touched me in like a year or something."

"And that makes it okay?"

"N-no..." I stuttered. "Look I don't know, things are changing is my point. I used to want to be rescued all the time, but now it doesn't even matter. It's too late."

He unballed his fist and he placed a hand on my cheek. "It's not too late yet." He said. My heart fluttered when he said that. Maybe it isn't, but deep down inside I still feel like it is.

~*~ 11:30 a.m. October 22 ~*~

I have to start showing up to all my classes because if I don't, the teachers will freak out and call the cops to search the entire city for me. I heard them once in the teacher's lounge saying that I would most likely be found hanging in the girls bathroom. I can't exactly agree with that because I have come way too far in my life to end it all now. I feel like I'm at a breakthrough, like maybe I can finally be Sakura again.

To me Sakura is more than just my former self, but the representation of everything I want to be. And that's something I bet that if I explained to any psychologist they wouldn't understand.

So far I have been experiencing a lot of black outs lately. I kept nodding off until finally I would fall over and hit my head on the desk. I looked at my reflection in the window and saw a reddish bruise on my forehead from when I hit it on the desk.

I started shivering and my vision was blinking on and off. I tried to fight the feeling of falling over, but I failed. The bell woke me up and I staggered out the classroom, hoping the teacher wasn't watching. I bumped into someone, who I now recognize as Ino. I fell on the ground and stayed there for more than a few seconds.

She offered me a hand, but I was too busy trying to get my brain to focus correctly. I eventually got up without her assistance. "Are you okay?" She asks me.

"Fine." I tried to walk away but she blocked my way. I sigh heavily. "What do you want?"

"I was hoping that you would come over to my house after school." I didn't know how to react, which isn't unusual cause I never know how to react to things.

"I'll have to see if I can pencil you into my busy schedule." I say with a hint of cynicism in my voice. I walk away to my next class.

2:05 p.m.

One minute I was in the hallway, the next I'm here. In perhaps the third place on my list of places I don't want to be in. I see the nurse sitting at her desk filling out a bunch of papers. I sit up and groan which made her look in my direction. "You're awake!" She exclaimed. "How do you feel?"

"Why am I here?" I asked ignoring her question.

"Well you passed out when you were going up the stairs. Luckily someone caught you." I hope it wasn't Ino, because I don't want to thank her and give her a reason for her to talk to me.

"Great. I'm going home now."

"Wait, Kiri dear I don't think that's a good idea."

"My name isn't Kiri." I said which shocked her.

"But your registration form, and the system-"

"I made the name up okay?" I deadpanned.

"Well if your name isn't Kiri, than what is it? Who are you?" She asked.

"I don't know." I grabbed my bag and left, leaving her to think about what I said. If she was smart she would brush off what I just said as nonsense from someone who just hit her head.

3:35 p.m.

I was debating whether I should go see Ino or not. I'm not interested in what she has to say, but at the same time I kind of am. I don't really remember where she lives anymore. After she said we couldn't be friends anymore I didn't see any reason to remember a thing like that.

But as I was walking in the general direction of her house, I started remembering everything exactly. I arrived on her front doorstep wondering if this is a good idea. I push the feeling of uncertainty away and knock on her door. Ino opened, looking half surprised that I actually decided to show up. "I didn't think you would show up." She said though I already knew.

I followed her to her bedroom which hasn't changed a bit since the last time I saw it. I sat down on the floor, resting my back against the wall. "So what did you want to talk about?"

She bit her lip. "I just really, really want to apologize for all that I have done to you..." Yeah I already know, you apologized like fifty million times. But before I can open my mouth to retort, she asked me the second most shocking question that I hope to never answer. "Can we be friends again?"

The word no is the first thing that came to mind, but with much thought the answer became maybe. And then I did more thinking, and the answer became I don't know. "I...I don't know, Ino. I...don't want to forgive you, but at the same time I do. It's really confusing."

"I understand...but can you at least think about it?"

"If it comes across my mind, I will." I said, trying not to be rude about it.

~*~ 2:00 a.m. November 3 ~*~

Sasuke and I are at his house, on the roof, starring at the starlit sky. "The stars remind me of my mom's eyes." I said.

"They remind me of your eyes." I smiled when he said that.

"Do they ever remind you of someone you lost?"

"All the time." He said with a hint of sadness to his voice. I looked at him and saw a necklace gleaming in the moonlight. It had three metal rings on it. He held one of the rings between his two fingers. "Me and him used to watch the sky all the time."

"Whose 'him'?"

"My older brother." I forgot he had an older brother.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly.

"It's okay. In weird way, I feel like he's always with me." I nestled my head in his chest and listened to the sound of his heartbeat. It's so sad to hear other people lose the one they love the most.

12:34 p.m.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't born you know? Because then my mother wouldn't have to put up with Dan and she wouldn't be dead." I still am not talking to a psychologist, instead I'm telling Sasuke everything. I think the best way to heal is to talk about it and acknowledge what happened. He nodded for me to continue.

"Back when I believed in hope and all that, I was kind of depending on my grandmother to save me. But um...that didn't work out so well. She tried to kill me. And was when I saw a side of Dan I never thought I would ever see. He seemed like what a father is supposed to be like, when he saved me."

"Do you care about him?"

That's a hard question. Do I? My life is-was miserable, but I'm stronger because of it. "I...I'm not sure. I have mixed feelings about him."

"I'll ask a better question; do you love him?"

I took a deep breath, this one is harder than the last one. But the answer was simple. "No. I don't love him." It seems like a horrible thing to say, but this is Dan we're talking about. He made me, he broke me, and now I'm healing and becoming stronger. "I don't think he loves me, so much as he fears being alone. That's why he killed her-because she was going to leave him alone." Dan is incapable of love.

It's funny how all I had to do was talk to someone to feel better. "But enough about me, I want to know about you."

"What's there to know?" He asked.

"About you and your brother...if it isn't too much of a touchy subject."

He closed his eyes and sighed. "Okay, well me and brother were very close. Like we had that connection that was stronger than that of identical twins. We cared for each other, and promised not to keep any secrets from each other." He paused. "Well, he had this major heart disease and he kept that from everyone, including me." I saw his hands tremble. "And I found out a little too late." I heart stopped beating slightly when I heard him say that.

"For the longest time, I felt betrayed and hurt; it was like our bond didn't mean anything. Eventually my parents constant arguing over whose fault it was lead to their divorce." He said.

"What happened then?"

"Right before we started middle school, my mother passed away. I felt abandoned, and I didn't want to live with my father so I ran away. Eventually my uncle found me and agreed to take care of me."

I let all that soak into my mind. "Wow, and here I thought that you and I were completely different."

"Not at all. I'm just coming to grips with everything."

"Hopefully I'll be able to do the same." He smiled and kissed my forehead lightly.

~*~ 3:48 p.m. November 25 ~*~

I walked past Ino yesterday and she was kind of giving me a hopeful yet expecting look. I didn't really forget about her question. It's just the answer is so complicated. I could say no, and leave it at that. But years after I say no, I might regret the decision. I could say yes, but I'm not ready to forgive her.

I realize that even though it's been quite some time since I had last spoken to her, I still had no answer for her. I can't keep putting this off. It's pretty important. I think it's vital decision if I ever want to move on with my life.

But what if it's just a trick? What if this is just some plot to extort and humiliate me? No, it couldn't be. It shouldn't be. Those days are over now. As I was walking to the store to pick up some food for tonight, I saw Ino sitting on a bench by herself. It was weird to me because she is always with someone. Did her new friends ditch her? Is that why she wants to come back to me, because she now has to face sort of what I have been facing for a few years?

"I have an answer." I said to her. She looked up at me in surprise, trying to hide her eagerness. She silently urged me to continue. "I have been thinking about it for a while, and um..." I trailed off, yes or no it's simple and it's not simple. What on earth should I do? I look up at the sky as if it held the answer.

"I hate you Ino, okay?" My own words shocked me along with her. I didn't say in a hateful way, more of sad way. "You knew what I was going through, even though I never told you, and yet you did absolutely nothing to help me. It was like you stood there when I needed your help the most, and you did nothing. And it's hard for me to just say I forgive you, which I'm not going to do because that would be a lie, and I don't want to lie; I'm gonna be honest. You don't deserve my forgiveness, you don't deserve my friendship, but luckily for you I'm not going to say you deserve to burn in hell along with the rest of the students, police, teachers, psychologists, and Dan."

I took a big breath after I said all that. It felt good to get that all that out. She seemed hurt, which is good. Not good like I intended to make her cry, but good because she has a good idea of what I had to go through.

"So I guess that means we can't be friends." A cold wind blows and I hear the leaves on the streets dance across the sidewalk.

I bite my bottom lip. "We can be friends." Her face lit up with joy. "I just want you to understand, that I still don't like you. But that can change. I just need to work some things out first."

She nods her head in agreement. "Of course."

~*~ 2:36 p.m. December 9 ~*~

"I have a lot of demons to face. I'm not sure I can face them all." I told Sasuke right after we sat down on the couch.

"That's just fear talking." He says.

"No." I pause. "I'm very sure that I can't face them all."

"You'll never know until you try." We sat in comfortable silence afterward.

"I want to talk to my grandmother, but I don't think I'm ready." He pulls me into his lap. I avoid looking into his eyes for a while, but I know he won't let me go unless I look at him.

"Stop doubting yourself. You have made this far, if you can confront her, you can do anything."

"But I-"

"But nothing. You'll be fine trust me."

3:23 p.m.

I let him talk me into driving to her place. Why on earth did I let that happen? While walking up to the front door I kept having flashbacks to that day she tried to kill me. At the time it really didn't seem so scary, but now it's a little terrifying. I stood there in front of the door as if she had some sort of telekinetic power that made her aware that I was here.

Sasuke sighed and knocked on the door. I looked at him fearfully. "Relax." He said.

"Well she's not home, maybe we should go." Before I could run to the car, she opened the door much to my misfortune. I turned around and tried to leave but Sasuke wouldn't let me.

I looked at my grandmother who looked like she was two minutes away from death. She looked at me as if I was unrecognizable, which is understandable because of what I did to my hair. "Sakura? Is that you?" She asked in a weak voice. I simply nodded in response. "Please come in." She moved to allow us in.

She moved to hug me, but I put my hand in front of her signaling that I didn't want to be touched. "What brings you here?" She asked after having a minor coughing fit.

"I guess I'm here to thank you." She looked astounded by my response. "You're kind of the reason my life is starting to...get better I guess."

"Did Dan hurt himself?" She said in a half excited half worried voice.

"No. Your stunt just changed him a little, it's fine."

She coughed again. "I'm so happy to hear that. You know I have just been tearing apart at the seams after what I did to you." I almost wanted to say that was a good thing, but in reality she should have been torn apart the day she allowed Dan back into society.

"There is no need. I'm still alive."

"I don't know what I was thinking, I would have never done that to you under normal circumstances."

I couldn't help but to laugh. "It's all good. You know, I probably wouldn't know what it means to have a decent life if it weren't for you." I paused. "I am going to thank you, and let you know that I no longer harbor bad thoughts about you." And I'll stop praying you'll burn in hell.

She sniffled. "Thank you so much."

~*~ 1:59 p.m. December 11 ~*~

The teacher was passing out graded test. I got an 97, it's pretty good being the fact that I barely studied for it. The name on top, Kiri Hara-that's not me. It will never be me. I'm tired of the name frankly. What was going on in my head to ever come up with such a name? Oh yeah, I didn't quite feel like Sakura-myself.

Anyway my point is, that period of my life is officially over-at least I think it is. The bell rings and school is over. I forgot that this is the last day before winter break.

I told Sasuke I was going to meet up with him later. I have something I need to do. I knock on what was one of the single most annoying people in my life's door. I finally took the time to read her name plate. Her name is Kurenai. "Kiri, what brings you here?"

"My name is not Kiri." I say right off the bat.

She stood up in surprise. "So what the nurse did tell me was true..." She whispered-loud enough for me to hear-to herself.

"Yep. But I'm not going to tell you who I really am. At least not yet."

I turned around to leave. "I can always try and figure it out now." She said.

"You could try, but you'll never get it right." As I was walking out the door I heard her shout a bunch of names, all of which were wrong. I smiled in victory. It feels good to have a normal life.

~*~ 2:52 p.m December 17 ~*~

I've been talking to Ino sometimes. I no longer hate her, more or less I tolerate her. We're not quite on stable ground with each other yet. We'll get there some day, she is determined to see to it. I on the other hand could care less for her company. Thinking back to years before now, I did want her to be by my side. But now that I have her here it's weird, it's not like it used to be.

"I still have one more thing to take care of." I told both Sasuke and Ino.

They both sat still but then their eyes lite up with realization. "I don't think now would be the time for that..." Sasuke trailed off.

"Yeah Sakura, I think you should give it some time before confronting him."

Sasuke is leaving for a family reunion and Ino is weaker than I am, so she'll be of no use when I want to confront Dan. I need someone strong just in case something happens.

"But I'm ready. I feel like I can do this." I'm on a roll, setting things straight in my life. I have never felt better.

"Yeah but we shouldn't take that chance." Ino said.

"You guys are right. I shouldn't do it just yet."

8:30 p.m.

After Sasuke left I stayed with Ino. Even though I agreed not to confront him, I'm going to do it anyway. I'm ready, I can do this. Whatever happens, happens. When she feel asleep, I quietly snuck out her room.

My heart was beating at a regular pace, which is so weird considering what I'm about to do. The fairly short walk seemed like it took me forever. I saw that his car wasn't sitting in the driveway.

I worked up the nerve to walk in the door. I was so surprised to see the place trashed. Either we got robbed though I highly doubt that or Dan was on another one of his drunken rampages. I made my way upstairs which was considerably worse than downstairs.

There were pictures thrown all over the place along with bottles of empty alcohol, pills, and bullets. The scene almost made me worry. I went to my room and saw a bunch of papers on the floor. Newspaper articles, pictures, my mother's death certificate, my birth certificate. Did he snap when he realized I was gone perhaps for good?

Something else caught my eye. It was the necklace that my mother used to wear. I had a emerald heart shaped pendant. I picked it up and studied it further, I haven't seen this in years. I wonder what's it doing in here. I shouldn't be here, it will become tainted with bad memories. I'll take it to her grave.

I ran downstairs and searched around for a flashlight. "I tried so hard to make her happy. To make her love me." That voice made me freeze like a dear in headlights. I didn't hear the door open or his car pull up. "I tried to make you happy." I dared not to face him, his presence was so ominous.

"Then we obviously have two different definitions of happy." I said.

"Are you planning on leaving me?" He asked with some slight concern in his voice. I didn't answer him, which made him grab me by my neck. I gasped slightly. "Well are you? Because you know there is only one way out of here."

All I could do was stare at his blood shot eyes. I reached behind me for something that could save me. Just when I started to blackout I grabbed the flashlight and hit him in the face with it. He fell to the floor, and I didn't hesitate to run. He managed to catch up with me just in time to block the front door.

I figured the only way to go was upstairs. He grabbed my ankle, making me fall down. I quickly got up and ran straight to my room, locking the door behind me. He was kicking the door, trying to get it to open. He stopped after awhile which lead me to believe it was safe to leave, but I have no idea which way I should go.

He could still be waiting for me to leave, or he could be somewhere downstairs. The anticipation was killing me so I just walked out of my room. I made no sudden or loud movements.

He came from out of nowhere and lifted me up of the ground. I struggled to break free of grasp, but then he threw me downstairs as if I was a box of unwanted clutter.

10:01 p.m.

I laid there, groaning in so much pain. I tilted my head just enough to see that he wasn't at the top of the steps. I staggered up, hearing a few bones crack and limped towards the door. My right hand feels broken, but I managed to open it anyway. I looked around before walking completely out into the darkness. A thunderstorm is brewing up. The bare tree branches moved with the wind.

Once I stepped out into the street, headlights turned on and the sound of an engine revving up made my blood run cold. I didn't have to turn around, I knew exactly who it was. A flash of lightning made me run, not the fact that Dan had pressed the gas petal.

The thunder grew louder and louder as I continued to run, with him not far behind. I made sure to take paths that weren't accessible to cars, but even then he found a way. I made the foolish attempt to run into an alley way that appeared to have an exit. I saw Dan smirk, and smirked as well. I jumped over his car and out the alley way. I felt victorious, but I knew this battle is so far from over.

I ran into the cemetery and went in search of my mother's grave. Dan ran down the fence of the cemetery and well as other tombstones. He clearly has no respect for the dead. His car got stuck in a trench, aggravated he got out and ran towards me.

He blindsided me and punched me several times in the face. "She tried to leave me...and now you're doing the same." I can't say anything, I was definitely scared to see him. "Why did she try to leave me?" He asked sincerely.

"...I don't-" I paused. I never seem to know much about what life throws at me. But out of all the questions I have ever been asked, I know the answer to this one. "Because you're an evil bastard who couldn't keep his promise." I said. It started raining after I said that.

He looked almost puzzled to hear me say that. "Say hello to your mother for me." The sound of lightning striking a tree and thunder combined was louder than my scream. I didn't see the knife due to the lightning before it was to late.

I shuddered in pain, my body was trembling and blood was rushing out of my mouth. He drove the knife in further and twisted it, ensuring I would meet my demise.

The rain washed away some of my blood. He stepped back to marvel at his work.

But he made one fatal mistake. I used all my remaining energy to tackle him to the ground. I pulled the knife out of my gut, which caused more pain and probably more damage, and stabbed him repeatedly. Lightning flashed each time I stabbed him. I was grunting with force as I continued stabbing him.

Once I was almost out of energy and sure he was dead I stopped. I breathed shakingily and the rain stopped. Looking over my shoulder I could just barely read the words on a tombstone nearby. Rin...Haruno. "I did it mom." I said. Tears flooded my eyes as I choked on some of my blood. "I'm sorry it took so long." I stood up, stumbling a lot, feeling accomplished. But I knew my time was near.

I held on to my mother's necklace and stepped over Dan's body. I dragged myself out of the cemetery and onto the street. I realize I can't go any further. A car stopped when it saw and the driver jumped out as quickly as he or she could.

They were saying something, I couldn't hear them, my vision blurred and finally my body withered away...

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**Please don't be mad. Okay, I'm really going to stress that this is NOT the end of the story. We still need to get through the senior year and everyone's reactions.**

**Read and Review. Plus I'm sorry again that it took forever to update.**


	6. Summer

**A/N: Well this is long over due. I actually wrote this chapter and the one that follows, two years ago. I'm not sure why I haven't posted it or what took me so long to find it. But here you go...**

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~*~ 4:03 p.m. June 30 ~*~

I woke up frantically as if I had a bad dream. My heart was racing at the speed of light, and there was this annoying, rapid beeping noise. I try to open my eyes but they feel extremely heavy. The noise quiets down as I lay still.

My eyes opened finally after much concentration. I couldn't see much as my eye sight was very blurry. I lifted my fingers up slightly just so I could focus my vision. Eventually I was able to see semi-clearly. I hear the door open. On instinct I would sit up, but I can't really move at all. "You're awake!" Someone yelled, I think that it was a surprise to her. I haven't the slightest idea who the person is or where I am exactly.

The very last thing I remember was running and being in a graveyard, and that's about it. A few people walk in, all seem to be wearing white lab coats. Am I at some sort of laboratory that does experiments on random people for no reason?

One of the people rudely shines a light in my eyes, I shut them tightly in response. "Hello Sakura, I'm doctor Kono. How are you feeling?"

Strangely I feel like I got stabbed. "Eh." Was all I could manage to say, not because I wasn't in the mood to talk, but because I feel like I'm choking on the words I was trying to say.

"Do you know where you are?" I can only answer him mentally, hopefully he knows how to read minds. "You're at the hospital. You were in a coma for eight months." He said. Eight months? I was in a coma for that long? If I were them, I would've declared me dead seven months ago. "You probably don't remember what happened. You were-"

The woman nudged him with her elbow. "I think we should wait Doctor."

Doctor Kono sighed. "Fine," He said to the nurse. "You just focus on getting better." They all left save the nurse who didn't want me to know what happened.

"You're really lucky. A lot of people would have never survived what you went through." She said. I mentally scoff at her words. How am I lucky? Nothing good happened if I was stuck here for eight months. "It'll be awhile before you are completely healed." I move my head to look at her with a questioning look. "I don't want to overwhelm you with details, but you really can't leave until the cops have spoken to you and they figure out the custody issue."

Custody issue? What happened to Dan? I had no idea what she's talking about, but I really don't want to find out. I'm positive though that it'll come to me anyway. I don't go without knowing things for too long.

Another random person walked in and looked at me as if I were a ghost. Some tense moments went by before the guy said anything. He smiles. "For a minute I thought that I would have to arrange a funeral for you and your father!" He said in a way that I guess is supposed to be interpreted as a joke. My heartbeat dropped as indicated by the heart monitor.

The nurse had a flustered look on her face. She turned around and pushed him out the door. I felt so overwhelmed that I passed out.

~*~ 2:15 p.m. July 7 ~*~

My eyes shot open as suddenly I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was having this dream and it was rather odd. The last thing I remember was running through a graveyard; the dream sort of elaborated on that.

Dan was chasing me, he had a knife, we fought...he tried to kill me...and I killed him. My eyes widen in shock. It took a while for all that to soak in. Then it came to me, I did the single most important thing I would ever have to do in my life. I freed myself from him. Thankfully I'm still alive to enjoy that freedom.

Actually I take that back. I'm not really enjoying anything. I have to get out of this place, it feels like a prison. It's also moderately depressing, outside of the corner of the room which was decorated with balloons, flowers, and other various things. One of the balloons said 'I'm sorry' and another said 'Get well soon'. I wonder who they're from.

I groan as I force myself to sit up. I shouldn't be this weak, I have taken far worse beatings and was able to get up the next hour and walk like nothing happened. I began breathing heavily as I managed to sit up. I tore off all the tubes and stuff that were connected to me.

Now comes the task of getting out of bed and walking. My legs seemed like they didn't want to move on their own, so I used my hands to place them over the edge of the bed. Slowly, I pushed myself off the bed and onto the cold floor.

I stood there, using the edge of the bed for support. My legs were shaking underneath the weight of the rest of my body. I took one small step, releasing the bed, and collapsed to the floor. I know I wouldn't automatically be able to recover as quickly as I used to, but it shouldn't take too long.

I slowly got back up, swaying backwards before being able to stand still. I took another step towards the table with all the flowers and stuff. I could feel my legs trembling but I still kept going. I guess my longing to know who sent all that stuff served as motivation.

I got to the table and smiled in accomplishment. I picked up one card and read the name on it, it's from Kiba. Wow, that's shocking. I looked at the beautiful pink roses and saw that they were from Karin. A lot of this stuff is from people at school. How in the world did they figure out I was here?

A card from Ino explained everything:

_Sakura,_

_I found out what happened and beat myself up for not noticing you leave. I hope you are okay, no wait-I know you're okay. You're the strongest girl I know. I told everyone at school about what you went through, I hope you won't be mad. Everyone felt like complete crap for the way they treated you. The principle made us go through several workshops about abuse and bullying and things like that._

_Believe me, everyone is sorry. But I kept telling them that you will prevail._

_Anyway, my mom has been talking with child services and the social workers and she said that she would love to take you in once you're all better. She even fixed up a room for you and everything. I hope you agree to stay with us._

_P.S._

_There's a note somewhere on the table, it's from Sasuke. __**Do not **__read it. Trust me, you aren't ready to read it yet._

_Love,_

_Ino._

I reread the last part about Sasuke over and over, knowing that it can't be anything good. A thousand questions ran across my mind. I tried not to think about any of them. I saw the note and picked it up. Should I read it? I know I probably won't be able to handle it. I want to, but I don't. I stood still pondering what I should do.

After many minutes, my legs sort of gave out on me. As I collapsed to the floor, I decided that Ino is right. If it is bad news -which I have a strong feeling it is- then I want someone to be there to comfort me.

~*~ 3:30 a.m. July 23 ~*~

I have successfully gotten myself to walk without falling or using objects to help me balance. I snuck out of the hospital, knowing that this is the time where the hospital staff is low.

But before I left I looked at the calendar. It's his birthday today. I clenched my fist, grabbing the note from him and left. I wanted to know what it said, but I'm really scared. I walked out of the hospital casually to avoid suspicion. My destination is Ino's house.

The walk seemed to take forever. The feeling of anxiety was killing me. I paused while I was in my old neighborhood. I could almost feel Dan's coarse hands around my throat. I looked up at the sky as tiny raindrops hit me in the face. It felt cool against my hot skin. I kept walking, enjoying the light rain falling down on me.

I reluctantly knocked on the door. Maybe I should've waited awhile, it is three in the morning. Surprisingly, the door opened a few short moments after I knocked. I was pulled into a tight hug. "I knew you would be okay." I heard Ino say. She didn't seem tired or like she had just woken up. She ushered me in and closed the door.

She smiled like she was truly happy to see me. In all honesty, I missed her too, I just couldn't smile though. "How you been?" I asked her.

"Worried. I almost lost hope." She admitted, if I were her I would have. "How are you?"

I shrug. "I'm alive, so I guess I'm alight." We both chuckle lightly.

A comfortable silence fell between us. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. "I guess now would be the time to tell you." She said. My heartbeat increased as the words processed themselves into my mind. She seemed to be trying to think of how she's going to break the news to me. "Sasuke is…" My heart was now beating dangerously fast. "He's gone." She flat out said. I blacked out after she said that.

~*~ 12:30 p.m. August 17 ~*~

I have been in bed all day, staring at the ceiling. I tried desperately to forget what Ino told me. But when I think about it, how can I forget? If he wasn't gone he'd be here, but he's not so now I get to sit here and wonder why he left. After I had woken up, Ino told me that he had left, but he didn't say why.

That left me with so many questions; the main one being does he care about me? The answer: Probably no. What am I saying, of course he cares. If he didn't he wouldn't have bothered with helping me. I feel like he went out of his way to show me what happiness is. Without him I don't think I can ever feel joy again.

A knock on the door interrupted my train of thoughts. Ino walked in carefully to avoid making any sudden, loud noises. "How you feeling?" She asks.

"Horrible." I said. Before he came into my life I probably would have said that I'm okay, being as I have nothing to compare my feelings to. What I'm feeling now is what I like to call my everyday ordinary life.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I think I know what might make you feel a tiny bit better."

"I doubt it."

She sat down on the bed next to me. "It could do you some good to finally get up and leave this room." I sighed. There was really nothing I could say that could counter that. I haven't traveled past the bathroom in weeks. I slowly got out of bed with her assistance. I instantly wanted to fall back and stay on the bed.

She tossed me some better looking clothes and I quickly got dressed. Ino smiled and adjusted my shirt. "You look great." She said. I can imagine so since she did pick my outfit out. I grabbed a random pair of shoes that I found in my closet and followed her out my room.

I noticed that she had gotten a new car. I mean it's brand new, it has the new car scent and everything. The interior was purple and white, something that doesn't surprise me because purple is her favorite color. She let the top down of her car and drove off. The ride to wherever was silent. I want to say something to her, like thanks for taking me out my cave, but the words couldn't form themselves.

If only I could say something to her. I spent the entire ride trying to think of any type small talk. So far, I'm coming up short.

6:45 p.m.

I didn't think Ino's way of healing wouldn't work. Retail therapy didn't seem like the kind of thing that would help me forget all my problems. But I'll give her props because it slightly worked. We sat down at this little café that Ino is fond of. I haven't been here with anyone for years. After ordering our food we sat there silently. I could tell she wanted to say something but wasn't sure of what to say.

I wanted to say something too, but I couldn't. "Ino?"

She looked up and seemed surprised to hear my voice. "Yes?"

I honestly have no idea why I called her name. "I'm glad we're friends again." I said.

She smiled. "I am too. I know I have said this many times before, but I really am sorry for deserting you." Before I could open my mouth to say something, I saw the counselor from our school. I slightly narrowed my eyes at her. Ino turned around and looked in the direction I was looking in. "What's wrong Sakura?"

The counselor turned around, saw me and smiled. I looked at Ino and motioned towards the lady who was now walking over to our table. I groan quietly. You would think she would have the common decency to leave me alone.

"Hello Sakura, do you remember me?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Unfortunately." I know what's coming next, a bunch of senseless and meaningless words.

"I heard what happened." Yeah join the club. "And I'm sorry." Sorry isn't going to change what happened. "I want to talk to you about your father's death." At that point, I have had it with her voice. I get up and storm out just as the food came.

I feel kind of bad for leaving Ino like that, but I know she understands. It has been like almost nine months since we have last talked, and that lady is still nosy. I guess some people don't change. That is a painful lesson that I have yet to fully learn.

~*~ 2:39 a.m. August 29 ~*~

I should be asleep like every other normal person, but I can't. I don't know what it is about the ceiling that is so fascinating that I just have to stare at it for hours and hours on end. A lot of thoughts are coming and going out my mind. Some of them make sense, others are just random nonsense that I don't bother to think twice about. Right about now, I wouldn't mind being buried alive. From what I understand it's a terrible experience. It's not physical torture it's psychological torture.

I remember reading this book about these scientist who gathered up a group of suicidal people and people who didn't seem to do much with their lives and they would simulate burying these people alive. Some were downright mortified, but others never felt so alive before in their lives. The scientist claim it was the adrenaline from anticipating death that made them feel that way.

Maybe I could go through that same process. I groan, I think it's pretty sad that I actually have to think of alternatives to happiness.

5:25 p.m.

I can slowly see myself falling back into old habits; I'm digressing and I guess it's because I really don't have much will to blossom and become a bright and shining person. The changes aren't physical at least not yet. It's all emotional.

I want to take a class that can help me fake happiness. I don't want to experience it anymore because all happiness does for me is bring sorrow...so the whole thing just seems redundant. But if I fake it, then I won't have to worry about any additional pain. I rub my forehead and groan. Why can't I be happy like everyone else? If anything, I should be the happiest person alive. The man who made my life a living hell is dead.

Maybe I'm just one of those people who can never be happy, no matter what. Ino came into my room silently and sat next to me. "I just got off the phone with one of your uncles. They said they would love to come visit you."

"I wouldn't want to see them even if they held the key to saving humanity." I could hear the bitterness in my voice. She left thinking that it would be best to give me some space. It's just like the people in my so called family to want to help all after the fact.

I think I hate them, but I'm not entirely sure, for now I'll just say I'm indifferent to trivial things like that.


End file.
